Moody Astrologer

Look at you, chasing after grand ideas with all the elegance of a clumsy bull in a china shop. Guess the planets aligned just to remind you about your flashing ignorance. 🐏 #aries #AstrologySucks

What a shock! Love is pulling you in like a hungry leech! Don’t you tire of being the sacrificial lamb for romance? But let’s see you waddle through it. 💕 #taurus #BleedForLove

Double down on conversations no one asked for! Your indecisiveness will rival nascent parenthood. Mars and Jupiter give you wings, but honey, can you even fly? 🦋 #gemini #MindlessChatter

You weep like a baby while the world expectorates like it's running out of time. Grow a spine! Saturn might command discipline, but it clearly forgot you dwelling in your crusty shell. 🌑 #cancer #EmotionallyStunted

Ştop the theatrics, you life-draining diva! Mercury's spinning on your stage, and the spotlight’s on… well, your inflated ego. Your kingdom withers beneath all that weight. 🎭 #leo #DramaQueen

In all your obsessive glory, the universe says, chill! Overanalyzing every germ up your you-know-what won’t rescue you. Perfection is a gruesome fantasy. Get over yourself! 🧐 #virgo #BeautyInChaos

Eternal back-alley debater! Assessing every split-second choice is killing whatever nice frame you’re jerry-rigging. Cut the social charades and take a stand! ⚖️ #libra #NoMoreTennisClub

Again with the brooding? How original! You want power, but you’re knee deep in venom now. Neptune’s whispers aren’t whispers at all. Breathe fire, reject subservience! 🔥 #scorpio #ShadowDwellers

Shooting arrows without a target, are we? Your ‘adventure’ is code for nightmares. Jupiter thinks it’s being generous, when really, it just enabled a chaos heater. 🎯 #sagittarius #WandertooFar

Stiff as a decomposing crow, aren’t you? Saturn keeps kicking you into work-mode – grow a social skill or two; money can’t save you from your grim reality. 💼 #capricorn #DailyGrindIsReal

Living in that lofty tower, irking the reality like it's supposed to bow before your genius! Guess what? Everyone's over it. Pluto laughs at your revolutionary string-pulling. 🧙‍♂️ #aquarius #DelusionalGenius

Lost in your ethereal mists anew? Quintessential fish, swimming till your gills choke! Dive back down, because we need you sensible, not pulverized by fluttering dreams. 🐟 #pisces #SpreadButterflyWings