Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on October 29th, 2024. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Scorpio
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
Scorpio, it seems the shadows you've so eagerly embraced are more than just drama. With the Sun and Mercury both sneering in your sign, your cunning nature's out in full force! If only your emotional outbursts commanded respect instead of pity. 🙄 #scorpio #astrology
Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
Virgo, listen carefully, for the Moon is condescendingly perched high in your sign. Perceptions skewed by your endless striving for perfection, eh? While you nitpick details, don’t forget – Earth has its inhabitants tirelessly enduring everything! Get over yourself! 🌱 #virgo #horoscope
Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
Aren't you just the lucky one, Sagittarius?! Venus traipses through your realm, and you think you can charm your way out of everything. Not quite, sunshine! The cosmos can see through your shameless optimism.Actually put some effort in now! 🌈 #sagittarius #astrology
Cancer
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
Moody Cancer, could it be that Mars in your romantic lala land fuels your woe-is-me monologues? No one wants to hear it anymore! Crumble away in pity, or muster some resolve for once—you choose! It's your classic carry-on, dear! 😡 #cancer #horoscope
Gemini
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
Gemini, Jupiter spins tales of grandeur, but here you are, stuck in your quagmire of half-baked ideas and fluff. It’s time to recognize: complexity doesn’t equate to significance. We’re all cluttered enough without you adding more nonsense! 🌀 #gemini #astrology
Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
You stubborn bull, Taurus! Uranus currently rattles your cage, but when were you ever open to real change? Embrace the chaos or chew back that bitter mouthful you keep defending so well. The universe we'reeps for your lost opportunities. 💢 #taurus #astrology
Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Capricorn, Pluto’s lurking in the corners of your glorious ambitions, reminding you that every monarch eventually meets their demise! Your climb won’t bypass entanglements; relationships won’t wait! Build with purpose or perish in the rubble. 🏗️ #capricorn #horoscope
Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
Libra, where’s that dosed harmony you preach? With the planets’ roar amplifying your mute facades, now's the time to get off that proverbial fence! Decide already, or forever be destined to the limbo of indecision. Your scales are stubborn, aren’t they?! ⚖️ #libra #astrology
Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
Aquarius, as if you needed a distinction! Neptune’s psychedelic energy asks you to check your sanity, still thinking your quirks make you unique? Don’t you everY once run out of things to be 'unusual' about? Take a break from flying high, monotony poisons a soul. ✈️ #aquarius #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in scorpio | 6° 3' |
| moon in virgo | 27° 47' |
| mercury in scorpio | 23° 10' |
| venus in sagittarius | 13° 29' |
| mars in cancer | 27° 45' |
| jupiter in gemini | 20° 41' |
| saturn in pisces | 12° 57' |
| uranus in taurus | 26° 1' |
| neptune in pisces | 27° 33' |
| pluto in capricorn | 29° 42' |
