Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on March 17th, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
Aries, embers of chaos in your mercurial heart. Mercury rears like a charging ram, brash, foolish, seeking instant gratification. Slow down, lest your impulsiveness becomes folly. ⚡💥 #Aries #astrology #horoscope
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
Buckle up, Taurus! Uranus stirs your stagnant bull in uncomfortable ways. Change is upon you, embrace disruption or revel in stagnation. Your choice, but inertia is a swift drain. 🌪️🌱 #Taurus #astrology #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
Gemini, the fickle double-agent. Jupiter prances through your sign like a jester with false promises. Don't fall for lofty dreams; practicality wins the game of life. 🃏📉 #Gemini #astrology #horoscope
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
Cancer, dear crab, underneath the nurturing shell, simmering heat from Mars grows ever threatening. Temper your emotions, or you'll claw at those around you, turning affection into chaos. 🔥🦀 #Cancer #astrology #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
Roar louder if you must, Leo, but Saturn looms heavy above. You think your reign is secure, but reality has other plans. Stop basking in delusions and face the shades, truth doesn't bow to your demand. 👑⚠️ #Leo #astrology #horoscope
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
Clean your slates, Virgo. Stars tell no lies and your penchant for perfection isn't the answer today. Jupiter challenges your lofty thoughts. So, stop nitpicking and take a deep breath! Inhale, exhale, PLEASE! 🤧💫 #Virgo #astrology #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
Polish the scales, Libra, but don't drop it on your foot! Your moon makes you indecisive, a true beauty with spiritual depth hitting melodrama. That's cute, just move on, would you? Please? 💔⚖️ #Libra #astrology #horoscope
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
Scorpio, darkness is your play. But don’t forget, those instincts can trap you in a web of your own weaving as Pluto stares. Dive deep, but remember; not every abyss is worth extraordinary depths. ⚰️🦂 #Scorpio #astrology #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
Sagittarius, uncontrollable wanderlust reign png in complex form thanks to Sagittarius. Being blinded by desire? Excellent. Enjoying the mess you've created? Priceless. Are you even surprised? 🌍🚀 #Sagittarius #astrology #horoscope
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Capricorn, hard truths await. Saturn’s grip tightens as your dizzying ascent falters; stop fancying green pandemonium while struggling. Hang on or crash with no parachute, your Watchtower awaits! 💼🏴☠️ #Capricorn #astrology #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
Aquarius! Your head is forever up in the clouds where visions spark. But amidst supernatural illuminations, don't forget the world is down here. Connect with painful existence. Reality calls. 🚀⚡️ #Aquarius #astrology #horoscope
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
Dearest Pisces, are you lost in a dream or wading in misery? Emotionally arrested today; Saturn's despair-born lessons clash headfirst with your sentiment. Reality sneaks, beware. 🌊💔 #Pisces #astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in pisces | 26° 38' |
| moon in libra | 26° 18' |
| mercury in aries | 9° 23' |
| venus in aries | 6° 19' |
| mars in cancer | 19° 27' |
| jupiter in gemini | 13° 53' |
| saturn in pisces | 22° 39' |
| uranus in taurus | 24° 8' |
| neptune in pisces | 29° 29' |
| pluto in aquarius | 3° 16' |
