Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on April 26th, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
#Aries, the ever-passionate. With that Moon in your sign and Mercury yapping in harmony, you’ll have plenty of fire to fuel your brawling tendencies. But don’t believe your own hype this time, it’s just noise. 🔥 #HasteMakesWaste #astrology #horoscope
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
#Taurus, digging in your heels, are we? With the Sun glaring at you from your cozy corner, a creaking stubbornness won’t yield prosperity. Reassess stubborn decisions before they bury you under your own bull. 🌾 #SettleDown #astrology #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
You’re all over the place, #Gemini! Jupiter flings inspiration your way, yet you’ll be as useful as a butterfly in a thunderstorm. Focus your dizzying ideas or they’ll vanish into the ether.🦋 #PickAStrand #astrology #horoscope
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
#Cancer, your gentle heart's about to get trampled on. With Venus stroking your emotions, expect feelings to clash with reality. Stay strong; sentimental sobs might not yield any tears of joy. 🦀 #DragYourShell #astrology #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
Listen up, #Leo! Mars is invading your space, revving you up for a glory ride that the cosmos couldn’t care less about. Take that ambition, and maybe aim it for directions less reckless. 🦁 #NotAboutYou #astrology #horoscope
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
#Virgo, with a broad swirl of dissatisfaction driving your Sun, perhaps it's time to visually redefine perfection beyond glaring flaws! Perfection is a myth - get over it! 📚 #DustYourMirrors #astrology #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
#Libra, with Venus diving in the emotional whirlpool, your judgments on love are clouded as a foggy day. Salvage that romantic optimism or drown in murky waters. ⚖️ #CatchYourBreath #astrology #horoscope
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
Keep your tangled webs in the shade, #Scorpio. Everything may seem bleaker with sad Saturn squatting on happy dreams, in the void, envy could imprison you. Sustain that echoless darkness, fresh light isn’t it. 🦂 #EclipsedSoul #astrology #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
#Sagittarius, expanding philosophical musings are fine and all, but overthinking Jupiter's gifts will keep you confined. Dash outside your spontaneous bubble for enlightenment, explore or remain a stagnant hipster. 🌌 #SnoozeYouLose #astrology #horoscope
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
#Capricorn, with Pluto digging its bony fingers into your life’s foundation, those plans’ stability will be backhanded. Shift path now before your climbing ambition collapses into dust of rubble! 🏗️ #WreckingBallApproaches #astrology #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
#Aquarius, all your idealism bubbling against heavy celestial burdens might leave you dizzy. Whether sovereign or unhinged, challenge that chaos with the courage of the knowledge you stow away, to the rescued!🌊 #ThinkDeeper #astrology #horoscope
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
#Pisces, dear one, while Venus is projecting love, watch as idealism potentially drowns you amongst sob Story clouds. Love won’t deliver without waking from lugubrious dreams. ✨ #GatherYourWaters #astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in taurus | 6° 0' |
| moon in aries | 10° 16' |
| mercury in aries | 9° 10' |
| venus in pisces | 27° 38' |
| mars in leo | 3° 20' |
| jupiter in gemini | 20° 22' |
| saturn in pisces | 27° 19' |
| uranus in taurus | 26° 2' |
| neptune in aries | 0° 56' |
| pluto in aquarius | 3° 48' |
