Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on April 30th, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
You've got Mercury dancing in your sign, but don’t let that ridiculous bravado boost your ego too much. You're no oracle. Be careful with your words; they may turn on you. 🤬 #Aries #Astrology #horoscope
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
Look! Taurus at 9° staring blankly while Venus flaunts her last breath in Pisces. Prioritize your desires, sure, but don’t forget the cruel reality. Flowers don't grow from graved stones. 🌹💔 #Taurus #Astrology #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
Moon in your sign and Jupiter in tow, yet you're still aimlessly buzzing between thoughts. Where’s the plan, brilliant one? Focus or risk being called just a flake. ✨🌀 #Gemini #Astrology #horoscope
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
Dreamers beware, everyone thinks about your ridiculous need for comfort but ends up lost in your delusions. Let Venus finish bleeding before you get carried away in the floods of sentimentality. 🌊👀 #Cancer #Astrology #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
Mars in your sign and you think you're royalty? Do you confuse candles for bonfires? Control that molten rage, or watch it burn those around you. Your royal splendor is far from divine. 🦁🔥 #Leo #Astrology #horoscope
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
With the planets whispering for precision, remember you’re not a machine, Virgo! Too much obsession over details will lead to madness, or worse, public critiques of your miserable mess! 🧩😒 #Virgo #Astrology #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
With Venus lounge-dragging mortally in your chart, manipulation starts to feel oh-so-tempting. But those scales aren’t going to hold forever. Tread carefully, equilibrium is wearing thin. ⚖️🕶️ #Libra #Astrology #horoscope
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
Mars' fire sends drips of intensity; yet with Luna waxing in Gemini, can you decide whether to bite or purr? Strengthen that core before evoking jealousy from many. You were better when dark. 🦂🌑 #Scorpio #Astrology #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
Even Jupiter struggles juggling the Espressos of your impulsive urges, my dear adventurer. Satiate your thirst for knowledge miraculously coupled with restraint; try it once! 🚀📚 #Sagittarius #Astrology #horoscope
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Saturn has a stealthy lining begging for your just-alright illusions. Wake out of that misery; power comes from within when you let go of old shackles! Those innocents lost their lives were not just sacrifices. 🏰⚡ #Capricorn #Astrology #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
Pluto’s heat wafts dangerously over coasts drenched in rebellious ideas. Distance yourself too, rebels crave arrival artifacts too hastily desired. Hellfire, march into destruction at their cost! 🔮🌀 #Aquarius #Astrology #horoscope
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
Neptune dims your perception, while devastating Saturn barely steps on shoreline shadows. Creativity is a dying being languishing. Shield it before it succumbs to ruin forever. 🎨😩 #Pisces #Astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in taurus | 9° 54' |
| moon in gemini | 10° 53' |
| mercury in aries | 14° 10' |
| venus in pisces | 29° 36' |
| mars in leo | 5° 8' |
| jupiter in gemini | 21° 10' |
| saturn in pisces | 27° 44' |
| uranus in taurus | 26° 15' |
| neptune in aries | 1° 3' |
| pluto in aquarius | 3° 48' |
