Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on November 10th, 2024. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
Aries, you're off again, racing your head into problems that slapping the stars won’t solve. Mercury in Sagittarius has you barking at the moon! 🐶🌕 #aries #astrology
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
Listen up, Taurus! Uranus is making sure you stay as stubborn as a mule, digging your heels in even deeper. How charming. 🚜💩 #taurus #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
With Jupiter smiling in your direction, let's see how long it takes before your dual selves start battling again! Careful, the twins may trip over their own feet. 🥳😵 #gemini #astrology
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
Sensitive Cancer, a full moon is here, and so are your tears. Ever think about getting a raincoat? 🌧️😿 #cancer #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
Mars in your sector like a lion with a thorn in its paw. Everyone is tiring of your roar, you gloriously self-absorbed creature. 🌟🦁 #leo #astrology
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
Attention Virgo, Saturn is just playing hide-and-seek with your sanity. Stop scanning for imperfections in every speck of dust! 🕵️♂️🌪️ #virgo #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
Libra, forever balancing on the ultimate tightrope of indecision like a jester. With Venus frolicking in Sagittarius, good luck making up your mind! 🚶♀️🤹♀️ #libra #astrology
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
Welcome home, Scorpio! Shocking insights from the moon ensure your secrets stay buried. Don’t steal my thunder with your broodiness. 😈🖤 #scorpio #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
Mercury and Venus dance in your vicinity, Sagittarius, but that doesn’t mean you belong in a circus. The only thing shooting is your mouth. 🎪😒 #sagittarius #astrology
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Hey Capricorn, how's that endless climb up your grand mountain of ambition? Pluto just scoffed at your dreams—might wanna check your map. 🎢📉 #capricorn #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
Moon in Aquarius, huh? You noble idealist! Your head’s in the clouds, but remember, your feet better not slip on that icy rooftop. ❄️🛷 #aquarius #astrology
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
Pisces, Neptune in your realm is crafting illusions. Are you lost in your daydream again, or is reality knocking for a change? Better answer! 🚪🌊 #pisces #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in scorpio | 18° 4' |
| moon in aquarius | 27° 40' |
| mercury in sagittarius | 9° 34' |
| venus in sagittarius | 27° 53' |
| mars in leo | 1° 51' |
| jupiter in gemini | 19° 42' |
| saturn in pisces | 12° 43' |
| uranus in taurus | 25° 32' |
| neptune in pisces | 27° 20' |
| pluto in capricorn | 29° 50' |
