Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on December 3rd, 2024. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
Brave Sagittarius, your epic adventures have given birth to reckless ideas today. The Sun and Mercury shine bright, but remember, just because you *can* say it, doesn’t mean you *should*. Choose your battles wisely, a flippant word can dismantle even the most splendid quest. 💬🎯 #Sagittarius #astrology
Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Capricorn, trapped in your ambitions like a rat in a maze. With the Moon and Venus casting a judgmental spotlight, that foundation you're bitterly building might just implode. You're human, acknowledge your flaws! But then, who cares, right? Just keep grinding... 🙄🧱 #Capricorn #astrology
Gemini
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
Gemini, with Jupiter turning the screws, can’t you just calm down? Expansion doesn’t mean talking thirty times faster—nobody can keep up with your mess of babble! Speak only when the stars guide you, not just because you need to escape your boring reality. 🗣️📚 #Gemini #astrology
Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
Pisces, with Neptune isolating you in a haze of dreams, your fantasies won’t pay the bills! Get your head out of the clouds and slap some reality into your tragic romances! Even the moon is shaking its head in disappointment. 🌌💔 #Pisces #astrology
Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
Aquarius, what is that idealism you're clinging to? With Pluto harshly aligning, get ready for the breakdown of those views you hold so dearly. Reality check is coming—stop dancing in the clouds and step down to earth. Shake it off! 💭🌀 #Aquarius #astrology
Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
Aries, brimming with energy from Mars? How charming, yet that rage won't win you many friends. Fire it wisely—yes it’s tempting to run headfirst into battles, but how about using that energy to tag out your toxic traits instead? 🔥⚔️ #Aries #astrology
Scorpio
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
Scorpio, basking in this intense Saturn transit, everyone finds your jealousy scintillating. Use this transformation for power instead of petty vengeance! Put that energy into something worthwhile because the universe won't buy your tears. 💔💪 #Scorpio #astrology
Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
Virgo, with mighty Venus giving you the dagger eyes, good luck searching for perfection that nobody cares for anyway. Stop nitpicking and embrace life’s glorious mess! Your incessant editing is clashing with the beauties around you! 🐛📝 #Virgo #astrology
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in sagittarius | 11° 18' |
| moon in capricorn | 1° 31' |
| mercury in sagittarius | 18° 31' |
| venus in capricorn | 25° 3' |
| mars in leo | 6° 3' |
| jupiter in gemini | 16° 55' |
| saturn in pisces | 12° 57' |
| uranus in taurus | 24° 35' |
| neptune in pisces | 27° 8' |
| pluto in aquarius | 0° 16' |
