Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on March 20th, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
Mercury and Venus both in your sign, but don't mistake opportunities for sweetness, bitterness lies ahead. The universe whispers, but you probably can't hear it over your own ego. 🥵🔍 #aries #astrology #astrology #horoscope
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
Uranus squatting in your sign makes comfort a fleeting illusion. Calm your doubts, you won't accept impermanence, but guess what? Life doesn’t care about your stubbornness. Learn to adapt! 🌪️🚫 #taurus #moonrise #astrology #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
With Jupiter's influence drumming jokes, prepare to bumble through conversations! Laughing at your missteps just won’t mask the gaping void. Stop dodging responsibility; life doesn’t work like that. 🥴🤷♂️ #gemini #heavensfollies #astrology #horoscope
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
Mars in your sign is ready to battle, but beware, it won’t spare you from taking the fall either. Direct your power elsewhere if you don't want to end up a weeping mess: try focusing on yourself for once. 🥳☠️ #cancer #calmdown #astrology #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
Leo, vanity masked by ambition can't shield you from truth. Saturn is causing calamity in your least favorable arena, your heart. Love wisely or watch your warmth turn to ashes. 🥀🔥 #leo #astrologywarnings #astrology #horoscope
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
Everything seems too out of alignment, huh? Blame the cosmos for having fun! Mercury in Aries makes judgment tough; stop being so picky! Perfections don’t exist, but maybe adapt rather than critique? 🔧🌀 #virgo] #astrology #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
Your need for balance is as futile as chasing shadows, Libra. With Mercury's daunting quirk, communication's chaotic. Initiative is paramount; dear, hoping for harmony won't do! 🌌⚖️ #libra #getitright #astrology #horoscope
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
Moon in Sagittarius ignites a restlessness that no amount of brooding can contain. Identify the shadows, you thrive in chaos! Prove you're not just a mope by finding potential in unpredictability! 🌪️🦇 #scorpio #chaosadapt #astrology #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
Don't get caught daydreaming, Archer! The Moon emboldens your wanderlust, but reality keeps groundin’ you harshly. Improvise on the fly lest you get hurt. Expand the mind but not to your detriment. 💭🤔 #sagittarius #doitbetter #astrology #horoscope
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Saturn on your side is like tripping on your ambition, heartless and cold. The dream you hoard won't accumulate dust if you sidestep validation from brutal judgement, dark truths ahead! 🚧💔 #capricorn #whatnow #astrology #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
Pluto’s binding grip redefines your ideals: catch it like a wandering treasure instead of shying away. Chaos threatens but so do stagnant dreams; your potential waits for no one. 🌪💡 #aquarius #unoldboundaries #astrology #horoscope
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
With the Sun and Neptune washing over you, floating instead of swimming might lead to misdirection, detachment fails! Stop looking back; your stars command you forward, but you can't hide unrecognized anymore. 🌊🔮 #pisces #darviliance #astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in pisces | 29° 37' |
| moon in sagittarius | 1° 51' |
| mercury in aries | 8° 7' |
| venus in aries | 4° 33' |
| mars in cancer | 20° 9' |
| jupiter in gemini | 14° 16' |
| saturn in pisces | 23° 1' |
| uranus in taurus | 24° 14' |
| neptune in pisces | 29° 36' |
| pluto in aquarius | 3° 20' |
