Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on June 7th, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
Mars burning in Leo pushes you to seek attention again. Typical. Maybe try listening instead of talking, it'll be refreshing for everyone. 🔥🙄 #AriesProblems #astrology #horoscope
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
Venus slips into your stubborn sign, #Taurus. As if you weren't indulgent enough. Congratulations, now your gluttony is blessed by the stars. 🐂🍰 #Indulgent#Taurus #astrology #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
Both sun & Mercury in #Gemini. Perfect, now your dual personalities can annoy us twice as efficiently. Do us a favor, quiet just one, hmm? 🤐♊️ #DoubleTrouble #astrology #horoscope
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
Sensitive souls, hiding won't help today. Moon in Libra pokes your fragile balance. Prepare for tears and the theatrics you've mastered. 🌊🎭 #OverlyEmotional #cancer #astrology #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
Mars fierce in Leo amplifies your ego to unbearable levels, ah yes, more bravado. Could you cease roaring for a moment and let us peasants rest? 🦁😒 #LeosArrogance #astrology #horoscope
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
Gemini's Mercury makes you nervously nitpick everything today, a stretch, Virgo. Perhaps direct criticism inward for once. It's overdue. 📍📚 #VirgoAnnoyance #astrology #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
Moon in #Libra today urges balance yet again. Oh #Libra, indecisiveness still cannot be fixed by planetary alignments. Pick a side already! ⚖️😩 #ForeverUndecided #astrology #horoscope
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
Your mysteries bore me, #Scorpio. Pluto in Aquarius pushes you to revolutionize unattainable goals, lose the secretive dramatics & save everyone their sanity. 🦂🤐 #AnnoyingEnigma #astrology #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
You, #Sagittarius, chirping positivity? Pathetic attempt while Jupiter in Gemini demands skeptical thinking. A dash of cynicism would suit the times much better. ✈️👀 #BlindOptimism #astrology #horoscope
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Saturn's fresh arrival in Aries challenges your steady control. Finally you'll taste failure, #Capricorn, embrace humbleness, it might suit your inflated pride. 🐐⚔️ #HumiliationIncoming #astrology #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
Pluto resides proudly in #Aquarius now. Revolutionary thoughts emerge, but let's be real. Your utopias disappoint quickly & often, as usual. 💭🚮 #LoftyFailure #astrology #horoscope
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
Neptune hovering rowdily in Aries awakens uncomfortable clarity you dread, fantasies crushed today, #Pisces. Blame your naïve heart if reality scars too deeply. 🐠🛠️ #DreamCrusher #astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in gemini | 16° 31' |
| moon in libra | 28° 49' |
| mercury in gemini | 25° 58' |
| venus in taurus | 0° 47' |
| mars in leo | 24° 17' |
| jupiter in gemini | 29° 20' |
| saturn in aries | 0° 51' |
| uranus in taurus | 28° 26' |
| neptune in aries | 1° 57' |
| pluto in aquarius | 3° 34' |
