Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on June 20th, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
Mars in Virgo wants perfection, dear #Aries, sadly, perfection and you aren't acquainted. Saturn visits you too; brace for extra gloom. Welcome to life's cruel party. 🎉 #SorryNotSorry #astrology #horoscope
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
Venus blesses your sign, #Taurus, but frankly, even love can't fix your stubborn bumbling. Uranus brings a wild surprise; expect chaos and misfortune. Enjoy! 🐂💔 #astrology #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
Sun in your turf, #Gemini, so prepare to bask valiantly in your superficial nonsense. Mercury whispers from Cancer: emotions incoming, a disaster waiting to happen. 🤡🎭 #astrology #horoscope
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
Mercury greets your sign with better communication, Sadly, no stars align to heal your endless whining, #Cancer. Jupiter brings false optimism; good luck swallowing that pill. 🦀🎻 #astrology #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
Attention thirsty, as usual, yet no planets currently stroke your fragile ego directly, #Leo. Try patience, but you've probably forgotten what humility even means. 🦁🤷♂️ #astrology #horoscope
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
Mars just entered your realm, #Virgo, all that irritation suddenly makes sense. Chasing perfection aggressively as ever. Wake me up when you're done failing spectacularly. 😴🍿 #astrology #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
Not much planetary advocacy for you today, #Libra, stranded once again in mediocrity. Maybe social charm alone can carry you through your current insignificance, probably not. ⚖️🙄 #astrology #horoscope
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
Planets pass by without a glance, leaving you deep in brooding stillness, #Scorpio. Nothing new there, enjoy turning molehills into emotional disaster mountains as usual. 🦂☕ #astrology #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
All arrows point nowhere productive, as usual. No direct planetary blessing or curse; becoming irrelevant is rare luck even for optimists like you, #Sagittarius! 🏹🎯🤦♂️ #astrology #horoscope
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Stars utterly ignore your overachieving ego, #Capricorn, tragic. Try sweating quietly in unappreciated corners. Enjoy the cold shoulder from the universe! 🐐🧊😤 #astrology #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
Pluto just stepped into your chaos, #Aquarius, upheaval galore. Disruption done right would mean progress, but knowing you, expect aimless rebellion… Mooonnn-ths of it. 🤯🌪 #astrology #horoscope
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
Ignored by current cosmic players, as usual, forever misunderstood and forgotten. Wallow quietly, #Pisces. Apparently even stars find you exhausting. 🐟❌😢 #astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in gemini | 28° 56' |
| moon in aries | 14° 32' |
| mercury in cancer | 20° 5' |
| venus in taurus | 14° 10' |
| mars in virgo | 1° 28' |
| jupiter in cancer | 2° 18' |
| saturn in aries | 1° 29' |
| uranus in taurus | 29° 9' |
| neptune in aries | 2° 6' |
| pluto in aquarius | 3° 21' |
