Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on August 22nd, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
Enjoying Mars in Libra, #Aries? Not used to balance are we? Try not to trip over your ego, or your desperate need for approval. 🔥⚖️ #KarmaIsReal #astrology #horoscope
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
Earth's Venus in moody Cancer won't save your romantic illusions, #Taurus. Choke on your stubborn fantasies. Romance awaits someone else tonight. 🦀💔 #HopelessCase #astrology #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
Mercury in Leo spells you're loud, proud, and utterly wrong, dear #Gemini. Your sparkling wit comes off desperate, but do keep spewing nonsense. 🦁🗣️ #DelusionalMuch #astrology #horoscope
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
#Cancer, cling tight as Venus and Jupiter swim your waters. You might chant comfort, others chant codependent disaster. Enjoy drowning. 🌊😒 #SeaOfDespair #astrology #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
Sun, Moon AND Mercury!? Such attention, typical greedy #Leo. Pity your kingdom is built on whispers and ego trips. Shine while you still can. ✨🤡 #Egomaniacal #astrology #horoscope
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
Mars in Libra whispers indecision & Neptune fuels fantasies in Aries, what crippling anxieties brew within, #Virgo. Might I suggest facing actual reality? 🙄🤯 #RealityHurts #astrology #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
Mars feels misplaced in your petty sign, doesn't it, #Libra? Keep balancing that delicate show of niceties, life’s harsh reality looms painfully ahead. ⚖️🔨 #FacadeFallingApart #astrology #horoscope
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
Feeling invisible, #Scorpio? Sounds about right. Even Phobos hides citizen rage better than your sulking paralysis. No planets care today. 🦂🌌 #ForgottenSign #astrology #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
Fire minus planets leaves you bored today, #Sagittarius? Trust me, existence lacks equal thrill watching you hopelessly shoot arrows nowhere. 🔥🏹😴 #DestinationNowhere #astrology #horoscope
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Pluto in Aquarius mocks trickle-down dreams, doesn't it #Capricorn? Your well-stacked delusions crumble under borrowed authority. Time to pay up. 🐐💸 #TruthHurts #astrology #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
Pluto entered your dull orbit, #Aquarius. All your rebellious posturing won't erase the drowning darkness within. Face yourself already. 🌊👤 #ExistentialCrisisPending #astrology #horoscope
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
Neptune’s fiery Aries burn melts your Piscean daydreams into smoke, feeding blind optimism's costly mistakes once again, huh? Pathetic. 🐠🔥 #BlindlyOptimistic #pisces #astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in leo | 29° 10' |
| moon in leo | 13° 51' |
| mercury in leo | 10° 56' |
| venus in cancer | 25° 36' |
| mars in libra | 9° 28' |
| jupiter in cancer | 16° 0' |
| saturn in aries | 0° 40' |
| uranus in gemini | 1° 21' |
| neptune in aries | 1° 35' |
| pluto in aquarius | 1° 57' |
