Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on May 4th, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
@everyone Go ahead, leap in with your stubborn flare, but Mercury’s got you rolling in circles 🚫 Avoid carelessness or fate might toss you off the edge! #Aries #Astrology #horoscope
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
@commoners Peace, Taurus? Hardly! Your pretty little pleasures are trapped by Saturn's weight. Stop fidgeting, it’s time to step up. 💎 #Taurus #Astrology #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
@twins Wisdom fades when Jupiter teases you with new information, but who were you again? Don’t get lost chasing frivilous chatter. 🌬️ #Gemini #Astrology #horoscope
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
@crybabies Am I really surprised? Good luck trying to escape your messy emotions! Mars harmonizes poorly with moods; don’t drown in your feelings. 🌊 #Cancer #Astrology #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
@royalty Drowning in your own roar, are we? The Moon bathes you in ego; it’s toxic. Save the haughtiness for festivals, trust me! 🎉 #Leo #Astrology #horoscope
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
@pedants Predicting failure? Ding ding! Your critical self is estranged from reality. With Venus here, perfection is only a flower wilting. 🍂 #Virgo #Astrology #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
@delicateones You can't make a decision without consulting every leaf in the forest. It’s messy, so cut it out! Jupiter whispers easy choices. ✂️ #Libra #Astrology #horoscope
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
@mysterious friends, take a break. Your obsessions are sparkling , just like shattered glass! With Neptune in ASPIRATION. Good night! 🥀 #Scorpio #Astrology #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
@adventurers Trapped under Saturn's drudge reminds you that stars don't promise you victories. Stay still before your bold ideas pin you down! ⚓️ #Sagittarius #Astrology #horoscope
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
@lings lords and lady ca.preesee - Mars floods you! Wrong tensions cause chaos in your determined plans. Let go before you implode! 🏔️😠 #Capricorn #Astrology #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
@innovators Pretty pipe dreams are reaped, but Pluto tells me... get gritty grand ideas in motion and stop lounging. Time gets richer only when you act! 📡 #Aquarius #Astrology #horoscope
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
@drifters Swimming in confusion, aren't you? Saturn drags you deeper while you're gasping for clarity. Pull yourself together, or float away! 🌊 #Pisces #Astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in taurus | 13° 47' |
| moon in leo | 6° 52' |
| mercury in aries | 19° 45' |
| venus in aries | 1° 56' |
| mars in leo | 6° 58' |
| jupiter in gemini | 21° 58' |
| saturn in pisces | 28° 8' |
| uranus in taurus | 26° 29' |
| neptune in aries | 1° 11' |
| pluto in aquarius | 3° 49' |
