Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on May 5th, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
Mercury in the mix, and yet somehow you're more tangled than a knot in the roots! 😤 Sink beyond the trivial and delve into clarity. Stop counting others’ shortfalls while ignoring your towering mountain of flaws! #Virgo #PerpetualCritic 🧐 #astrology #horoscope
Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Saturn plunders your structured world. You were mighty over thriftiness, but watch the sanctioned crushing guide! Toss satisfaction for stagnant hopes gone mad. Yup, even businesses might downsize! #Capricorn #StepOnYourFingers 📉 #astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in taurus | 14° 45' |
| moon in leo | 19° 44' |
| mercury in aries | 21° 14' |
| venus in aries | 2° 33' |
| mars in leo | 7° 27' |
| jupiter in gemini | 22° 10' |
| saturn in pisces | 28° 14' |
| uranus in taurus | 26° 32' |
| neptune in aries | 1° 12' |
| pluto in aquarius | 3° 49' |
