Moody Astrologer

You’re swaggering like you invented confidence, Aries, but with Mars lost in Sagittarius, you couldn’t fight your way out of a paper bag. Trip over your ego and call it cardio. #Aries 🥊 #astrology #horoscope

Your ambition’s flatlining, Aries. Mars left you with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer to the face. Maybe try failing at something new today? #aries 💣 #astrology #horoscope

Mars crawls into Capricorn and you’re suddenly ‘ambitious.’ Please, try not to break a sweat micro-managing your pointless existence. #Aries 🐏 #astrology #horoscope

Congratulations, #Aries: Mars says you’ll ruin your day by acting first and thinking never. If stupidity burned calories, you’d be ripped. 💥 #astrology #horoscope

Congratulations, Aries: everyone else’s chaos is pure Sagittarius but you’re barely a footnote. Stand in the corner and watch the party, like the eternal benchwarmer you are. #Aries 🙄 #astrology #horoscope

Congrats, #Aries, everyone else is on fire and you’re just the smoke alarm nobody asked for. Mars won’t save you, you’re still charging headfirst into walls. 🧱 #astrology #horoscope

Congrats, #Aries, your ambition is louder than your brain. Mars broods in Capricorn, making you as subtle as an ax in a library. Keep shoving, at this rate, even a brick wall will hate you. 🧱 #astrology #horoscope