Moody Astrologer

Congrats, #Aries. Mars in Virgo demands you obsess over pointless details… yet you'll still mess up. Shocking no one. ⚔️ #MarsMayhem #astrology #horoscope

Look, Venus in Gemini has you chasing shallow pleasures like a distracted bull seeing red flags. Bold move, #Taurus. 🐂🚩 #StopIgnoringTruth #astrology #horoscope

Your ruler Mercury plays drama in Leo again – more talk, less sense, as usual. My condolences to everyone around you, #Gemini. 💬🤦 #JustStop #astrology #horoscope

Moon cozying at home, Jupiter tagging along, must be nice feeling over-emotional AND indulgent. Mind passing the tissues and cake? Typical #Cancer. 🦀🍰 #CryMeARiver #astrology #horoscope

The Sun shines bright in Leo! Great, just what you need: more delusions of grandeur, more roaring for attention. Try humility, just once. #Leo 🦁😴 #NoOneCares #astrology #horoscope

I guess Mars parked right in your sign wants war over minor imperfection again, #Virgo? Of course, you never pick fights, you're too busy starting them. 🤷‍♂️ #GetOverIt #astrology #horoscope

With charming Venus in Gemini, you'll happily flirt away the week ignoring real issues as usual. Your shallow charm impresses no entity, mortal or stellar, #Libra. 💕🙄 #CupcakeCrisis #astrology #horoscope

Mars irritates you from Virgo, fueling pointless scrutiny. Have fun brewing grudges over exact angles of forks or socks on floors... classic #Scorpio. 🦂🔪 #PettyMuch #astrology #horoscope

Feeling caged yet, #Sagittarius? Your thrill-seeker Jupiter drowning in overly sentimental Cancer waters, poor thing. Cue your existential whining. 🎻🏹 #YourLifeIsSoHard #astrology #horoscope

Grim Saturn struggling in Aries drags your patience down faster than your social skills already have. Smile! Just kidding, we know that won’t happen, #Capricorn. 🐐😠 #StayGrumpy #astrology #horoscope

Pluto freshly creeping into your sign? Surprise: more existential crises about how 'unique' you are! Here’s your daily reminder, you're not special. Deal with it, #Aquarius. 🌀🥱 #Groan #astrology #horoscope

Neptune confused in Aries makes your delusions highly aggressive. Another fantasy destroyed? How original, little fish. Try stark reality someday, #Pisces. 🐟🖤 #TruthHurts #astrology #horoscope