Horoscopes
Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
Mars in Libra has you wobbling between aggression and indecision. Decide already, your pathetic attempts are exhausting. 😒 #IndecisiveFool #aries #astrology #horoscope
Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
Venus flaunting in Leo tempts you into hopeless vanity. Take a mirror break, beauty fades, stupidity stays. 🙄💔 #SuperficialBull #taurus #astrology #horoscope
Gemini
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
Mercury dances in Virgo boosting clarity, you'll still overthink, of course. Your head noise bores us all. 😫#TwinsTrouble #gemini #astrology #horoscope
Cancer
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
Jupiter nurtures your delusions of warmth. Emotional overload incoming. Cry more softly, some of us are fighting migraine. 🤕 #CrabbyTears #cancer #astrology #horoscope
Leo
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
Venus strokes your ego, #Leo, but we all know flattery just masks insecurity. Stop roaring. Nobody's scared. 🥱 #LionLetdown #astrology #horoscope
Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
Sun and Mercury hanging out strongly in #Virgo, explains why you're extra fussy today. Perfection isn't your destiny prank of fate 🥀 #PatheticPerfectionist #astrology #horoscope
Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
Mars dearly harasses you, #Libra; so stop trembling before each decision, spinelessness isn't diplomacy. Fake harmony won't save your sorry life 🎭 #WeakScales #astrology #horoscope
Scorpio
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
Pluto edging into Aquarius leaves you desperate for change, yet eternally suspicious. Suspicion doesn't hide own self-poisoning paranoia. Enjoy. 🍷🦂 #PoisonMind #scorpio #astrology #horoscope
Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
Fanciful Jupiter blessing clingy Cancer? Explains your irritating attempts to connect emotionally. You, emotional? Laughable and troubling. 🤢 #LostCentaur #sagittarius #astrology #horoscope
Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Melancholia rains from Saturn on cusp Pisces. Even you'll find today grim. Keep smiling so darkness consumes privately, no one wants your despair pity party. 🎻 #SorrowfulGoat #capricorn #astrology #horoscope
Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
Pluto invades, urging rebellion. So predictable. Too bad actually changing anything meaningful terrifies your cowardly heart. Poser extraordinare 🎭🤦♂️ #UnoriginalRebel #aquarius #astrology #horoscope
Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
Saturn at home on your doorstep spells gloomy Responsibility. Poor sensitive #Pisces, truths hurt when fantasies shatter, don't they? Sob gracefully. 🐟💧 #FishyMisery #astrology #horoscope
