Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on September 7th, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
Look #Aries, Mars in Libra makes you indecisive again. Brace for emotional whirlwinds, or don't. I'm past caring. ⚔️ #MakeUpYourMind #astrology #horoscope
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
By Venus' pompous glare in Leo, you're craving admiration again #Taurus. Too bad no one's paying attention. Ego boost, denied. 😒 #AttentionSeeker #astrology #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
Mercury in Virgo sharpening tongues everywhere, like you needed help offending people, #Gemini. Your chatty nonsense is tiresome. 🙄 #ZipIt #astrology #horoscope
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
Aw, Jupiter cozy in your little sign inflates your sensitive ego again, #Cancer? Happiness isn't written in stars; you've ruined that for everyone. 🦀😤 #TooSensitive #astrology #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
Venus sparklin' bright in your own glorious vanity show again, #Leo. Blow kisses at your reflection because you're the only fan you've got left. 🙃🦁 #MirrorMirror #astrology #horoscope
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
Sun & Mercury parading in your pretentious sign not helping your nitpicking, #Virgo. No planet can improve your insufferable self-righteousness. ✋🏻😩 #AlwaysRight #astrology #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
Mars barged into your peace-fake seeking drama. Typical indecisive nonsense from you again #Libra! Learn to take a stand 😑⚖️ #MakeADecision #astrology #horoscope
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
Feeling moody yet #Scorpio? Saturn retreating in Pisces has emotions storming harder than your inevitable brooding sessions. Save your tears. 🙄⛈️ #NoOneCares #astrology #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
Reckless #Sagittarius, Neptune says hello from Aries, fantasy won't shield you from reality this time. Wake up before embarrassment does it for you.🌪️😒 #RealityCheck #astrology #horoscope
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Uranus dancing through Gemini rattles your tradition-lovin' foundation #Capricorn. Face it, you can't plan disasters; try coping for once.😤💢 #ControlFreak #astrology #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
Pluto arriving in town suddenly made you feel relevant eh, #Aquarius? Don't fool yourself; bitterness is not enlightenment. Stop reaching.🚫🔮 #PipeDown #astrology #horoscope
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
Moon wailing in your gushy sigh again #Pisces? Gathering sympathy or pity? Either way, same sad result. Spare me your melodrama.🌊😒 #FishOutOfWater #astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in virgo | 14° 38' |
| moon in pisces | 4° 42' |
| mercury in virgo | 8° 34' |
| venus in leo | 14° 47' |
| mars in libra | 19° 49' |
| jupiter in cancer | 18° 55' |
| saturn in pisces | 29° 35' |
| uranus in gemini | 1° 27' |
| neptune in aries | 1° 12' |
| pluto in aquarius | 1° 40' |
