Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on June 13th, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
Everything just has to be quick, doesn't it #Aries? Your impatience echoes Saturn's stern stare from fiery Aries. Maybe pause before leaving another wreck behind. 🐏🪐🔥 #ImpulseControlNeeded #astrology #horoscope
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
Venus graces you, #Taurus, love, comforts, sweets🧁. Rare luck since you're usually unbearable. Don't squander it by eating your troubles away again. 🌸🐂 #TemporaryGrace #astrology #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
Sun’s glaring at YOU, #Gemini, thrilled to cast clarity on your twin-faced duplicity again. Are you misunderstood, or just willingly confusing? 🤔☀️🎭 #TwiceTheTrouble #astrology #horoscope
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
Mercury and Jupiter cozy up close, gossip travels fast, doesn't it, carapace-dweller? Ready to annoy us all with endless mood swings. Again. 🦀🗣️🌊 #DramaIncoming #cancer #astrology #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
Mars flair in #Leo fans your egotistical flames again? Quelle surprise. Look around; pretty lonely up on that pedestal, isn't it, little king? 🦁🔥🙄 #MeMyselfAndI #astrology #horoscope
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
Typical #Virgo, nitpicking the chaos you're drowning in. Mercury may linger near water, nursemaid, but even it can't teach you how not to suffocate in the details. ❌🌊 #ControlIssues #astrology #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
Still undecided? So very predictable, dear #Libra. Venusian tenderness in Taurus can't even fix your relentless dithering. A fence is no throne, get comfortable. ⚖️😒 #ForeverIndecisive #astrology #horoscope
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
Feeling misunderstood again #Scorpio? Mars bloodshed in Leo encourages vengeance theatrics and victim complexes. Spare us the gloom, we've seen it all. 🦂🎭😑 #DarkTheater #astrology #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
Pretentious quests fulfill nothing, archer. Jupiter sits pampered in Cancer, tempting indulgent pitstops on your endless 'journey.' Aimless wandering yet again? 🎯🦀🙃 #LostForever#Sagittarius #astrology #horoscope
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Moon brings rare comfort, eh tough #Capricorn? Don't get cozy. Reality inevitably crashes back, shattering your fake emotional relinquishments. 🐐🌑❄️#TemporaryComforts #astrology #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
Pluto shaking things up in #Aquarius, but revolutionary you are not. Can't complain progress while hiding safely behind cynical quips. Wake up, time to actually do something. ⚡🌊🙄 #LazyRebel #astrology #horoscope
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
Yet again after impossible fantasies, dreaming fish-pal? Neptune’s whispers betray you into Aries rush. How tiresomely predictable. Maybe try one foot on solid ground for once. 🐟🌌🥱 #DelusionalAgain #pisces #astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in gemini | 22° 15' |
| moon in capricorn | 11° 29' |
| mercury in cancer | 7° 54' |
| venus in taurus | 6° 52' |
| mars in leo | 27° 34' |
| jupiter in cancer | 0° 42' |
| saturn in aries | 1° 10' |
| uranus in taurus | 28° 46' |
| neptune in aries | 2° 2' |
| pluto in aquarius | 3° 28' |
