Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on June 25th, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
🐏 Tired yet, #Aries? Mars in Virgo demands tedious detail, boohoo. But hey, impulsiveness always served you, right? Go on, dive headfirst into disaster. Again. #SameMistakes #astrology #horoscope
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
♉️ Venus in your sign, darling #Taurus? Even blessed, you're still stubbornly wandering blindfolded off cliffs. Enjoy the fleeting illusion, pain awaits whispering your name. #astrology #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
👯♀️ Moon nearly done with your endless mood swings, huh #Gemini? But Mercury in Cancer promises another emotional breakdown incoming. Ready for drama round two? #unstable #astrology #horoscope
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
🦀 Sun enters your sign and drags Jupiter in, two reasons to pretend joy. So why the despair, whiny #Cancer? Oh yes, your stars doom you eternally. Congratulations! #astrology #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
🦁 Newsflash, #Leo, nobody asked for your brilliance, the Sun fled to Cancer for respite. Crowns decay, egos fall, even yours. Practice humility (, as if you've heard of it?). #astrology #horoscope
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
🌾 Predictably uptight again, #Virgo. Mars brings tension obsessing over trivialities. Maybe channel that precision to your bland existence? At least boredom's your specialty. #astrology #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
⚖️ Ah, balance, fake smiles, superficial charm, how novel for you #Libra. Venus in Taurus suggests indulgence, perfect excuse to mask your hollow reality with expensive distractions. #astrology #horoscope
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
🦂 Obsession suits you, but Pluto in Aquarius hints chaos even you can’t handle, #Scorpio. Suspicious alibis? Double down. Your paranoia festers delightfully. #astrology #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
🏹 Forever chasing horizons, hopeless #Sagittarius? Saturn in Aries grounding your rash adventures? How does responsibility taste? Bitter, like regret, surely. Enjoy! #astrology #horoscope
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
🐐 Dear rigid goat, Neptune shimmering deceitful fantasies, delusions you’ll choke on eventually. Keep climbing blindly, #Capricorn. Gravity eagerly awaits your fall. #astrology #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
♒️ Pluto visits your chilly house, bringing doom wrapped in glittery independence, #Aquarius. You embrace change bravely; pity your heart died long ago. Carry on alone! #astrology #horoscope
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
🐠 Dreamer drowning slower today? Don't despair, overly-sensitive mortals of #Pisces. Neptune too distant now; reality's claws embedding deeper. Welcome to suffering clearly. #astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in cancer | 3° 42' |
| moon in gemini | 27° 43' |
| mercury in cancer | 27° 34' |
| venus in taurus | 19° 29' |
| mars in virgo | 4° 19' |
| jupiter in cancer | 3° 26' |
| saturn in aries | 1° 39' |
| uranus in taurus | 29° 24' |
| neptune in aries | 2° 8' |
| pluto in aquarius | 3° 15' |
