Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on June 26th, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
Mars moves in picky Virgo & Saturn torments you personally, #Aries. Maybe it's not the universe, maybe you're just intolerable. 🌑🤦♂️ #FaceIt #astrology #horoscope
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
Venus graces your sign, but don't fool yourself, #Taurus. Uranus on your doorstep means chaos is hope's shadow. Joy is brief, disappointment lasts. 😒🌸 #FalsePleasure #astrology #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
Mercury's drowning in Cancer, making you emotionally sloppy and twice as annoying. Want helpful stars, #Gemini? Too bad. 🌧️🤐 #MercilessMercury #astrology #horoscope
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
Congrats, #Cancer, Sun, Moon & Jupiter all huddled in your melancholic corner. Think the universe favors you? Nah, misery enjoys company. 🦀🌓 #HappyTears #astrology #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
Feeling overlooked, #Leo? Good, heartless planets skipped your vanity parade. Maybe humility suits you better. 🎭🙄 #IgnoredPride #astrology #horoscope
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
Mars marching aggressively into your laborious house again, #Virgo? Great, perhaps your exhausting perfectionism can burn brighter this round. 🎯🔥 #EternalStress #astrology #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
As Venus frolics in Taurus, you're oh-so-selfishly craving indulgence, aren't you, #Libra? Sorry, balance got lost, again. 🍷🙃 #FantasyScales #astrology #horoscope
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
Mars in nitpicky void along with moon's soggy Cancer? Embrace uneasy introspection, #Scorpio, your paranoia finally feels justified. 🔥🦂 #TrustIssuesConfirmed #astrology #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
Jupiter submerged in gloomy Cancer dampening your spirits yet, #Sagittarius? Soon your blind optimism will crash; call it growth. 🌧️🏹 #WakeUpCall #astrology #horoscope
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Saturn in aggressive Aries delivering another gut punch? Chaos suits you, #Capricorn, business as usual in your sad excuse for reality. 😒🐐 #NeverEnds #astrology #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
Pluto sits heavily over your head in Aquarius, shadowing your reckless ideas. Perhaps wisdom isn't your forte after all, #Aquarius? 🌀🌌 #RealityChecks #astrology #horoscope
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
Neptune in hasty Aries tramples your fluffy fantasies, #Pisces. Cruel, right? Not as cruel as your constant dramatics! 🎭🐟 #LostInDelusion #astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in cancer | 4° 39' |
| moon in cancer | 12° 15' |
| mercury in cancer | 28° 56' |
| venus in taurus | 20° 34' |
| mars in virgo | 4° 53' |
| jupiter in cancer | 3° 40' |
| saturn in aries | 1° 41' |
| uranus in taurus | 29° 27' |
| neptune in aries | 2° 9' |
| pluto in aquarius | 3° 14' |
