Moody Astrologer

🔥 #Aries, with Moon in your sign, you're as brash as ever. Typical. Mars in Libra says good luck controlling your anger. Maybe try counting sheep, or peasants, same difference. #HotMess #astrology #horoscope

🐂 #Taurus, Venus in Leo inflates that ego of yours. Surprised there's room to move your horns through doorways. But go ahead, indulge your greedy heart today; fate has given up on you anyway. #VanityFair #astrology #horoscope

👯‍♂️ A playful Uranus barely touching your twins, #Gemini? Shocking. You might even finish a thought today. Don't pretend it was your plan, the cosmos got bored, just like me. #PredictablyChaotic #astrology #horoscope

🦀 Cheer up, whiny #Cancer! Jupiter in your house won't solve your emotional mess, but enjoy the self-pity party as usual. Pro tip: the universe hears your sobs, and truly doesn't care. #OhTheDrama #astrology #horoscope

🦁 Venus brings charm for #Leo? How original. Good thing people can't see your relentless thirst for attention hidden behind that proud mane. Glory fades; astrology judges forever. #BoringLion #astrology #horoscope

🌾 Happy solar return, meticulous #Virgo! Mercury joins your overthinking party, turning simple tasks into exhausting obsessions. Honestly tiresome; would you kindly give it a rest already? #PerfectionistProblems #astrology #horoscope

⚖️ Mars brings irritation straight into #Libra, just enough to disturb your divine fantasy of balance. Face it, peace is a myth, trust an old astrologer who lost his own patience long ago. #RealitySucks #astrology #horoscope

🦂 #Scorpio enters a charming lull with planets avoiding your sting today, how rare. But relax your paranoia briefly, I'm sure somebody still secretly plotting will resume betrayal tomorrow as planned. #SuspiciousMinds #astrology #horoscope

🏹 Confident optimism on hold eh, #Sagittarius? Not shocking. With Saturn unsettled at Pisces' edge, harsh realizations begin. Wake up from that adventure haze, reality sends its disdain. #RudeAwakening #astrology #horoscope

🐐 No heavenly praise today #Capricorn, only stern lessons from Saturn easing away in disdain, just like the gratitude people forget to show your martyr complex. Tragic. #PoorYou #astrology #horoscope

⚡ Pluto settles into #Aquarius? Time for deep transformation, huh? More nonsense! Keep telling yourself you've found enlightenment; denial suits your lofty ideals perfectly. #DelusionalRevolution #astrology #horoscope

🐟 Odd day indeed #Pisces with Saturn stumbling out your door. Finally, you can embrace naïve escapism uninterrupted again! Not that anyone was ever listening to your childish dreams anyway. #SweetIllusions #astrology #horoscope