Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on September 12th, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
#Aries, with Mars in Libra you're balancing anger poorly today. Venus beckons vanity while the world's crumbling around you. Typical drama 🙄⚔️ #HopelessWarrior #astrology #horoscope
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
Moon dances through your sign, #Taurus. Yet instead of musing profound insights, you're wallowing in earthly comforts. Quite deep..for a potato 🥔🌙 #LazyPhilosopher #astrology #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
#Gemini, with Mercury in Virgo you're yapping smarter nonsense than usual. Are they impressed yet or still walking away mid-sentence? 🤡📢 #AimlessChatter #astrology #horoscope
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
#Cancer, Jupiter at home in your sign gives fleeting illusions of comfort. Hold tightly to that cosy facade, it's all you've got anyway. 🦀🎭#FalseHopeMuch #astrology #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
Enjoying Venus' brief glory, #Leo? Typical. Luxuriating amidst self-delusion while your pride-marked world burns brightly, fitting symphony for a King of Fools 🦁🔥 #EmptyApplause #astrology #horoscope
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
Happy Birthday #Virgo…as if you'd dare rejoice. With the sun & Mercury in your sign, your criticisms grow sharper but not one whit wiser. Enjoy overthinking nonsense! 😒📏🧠#CosmicKilljoy #astrology #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
#Libra, Mars stirring restless indecision again huh. Still weighing pointless options? Let that charming indecision devour your day utterly, justice served ⚖️😤#ForeverLost #astrology #horoscope
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
Poor #Scorpio wielding ambition while Mars mocks from Libra. Must feel painful to realize your stinger threatens no one but yourself today. Poetic 👌🦂🗡️ #SelfSabotage #astrology #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
Adventurous yet eternally deluded #Sagittarius, dreaming that Jupiter in Cancer grants hidden riches. Reality is brutally mundane…wake up already 🏹😴#BlindOptimist #astrology #horoscope
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
#Capricorn relying on soggy structure and shattered plans again I see. Pluto whispers rebellion but dimwitted earthly ambition anchors you firmly below decorum. Delightful! 🐐🥀#RigidRegrets #astrology #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
#Aquarius, with Pluto fresh in your self-centered bosom, proclaiming revolution? Spare me. The only transformation you're succeeding at is inspiring annoyance. 🌀🤬#EmptyRevolt #astrology #horoscope
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
#Pisces, Saturn groaning near your exit gate, sowing confusion. Swim helplessly in existential dread, you do that oh-so-expertly anyway 🐟🌀#DrowningInDrama #astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in virgo | 19° 29' |
| moon in taurus | 16° 58' |
| mercury in virgo | 18° 10' |
| venus in leo | 20° 50' |
| mars in libra | 23° 7' |
| jupiter in cancer | 19° 45' |
| saturn in pisces | 29° 13' |
| uranus in gemini | 1° 26' |
| neptune in aries | 1° 4' |
| pluto in aquarius | 1° 36' |
