Moody Astrologer

Mars is spooning Capricorn, so your temper’s less spark, more limp firecracker. Try bossing someone around today, watch rocks ignore you. #Aries 🪨 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s lurking in Taurus, huh? You’re even more stubborn than usual. Maybe if you stand still long enough, your problems will sculpt a statue from your laziness. #Taurus 🐂 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury in Sagittarius: your mouth runs marathons while your brain hitchhikes. Speak less, be mistaken for smart, try for once. #Gemini #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter sits in Cancer, inflating your feelings until you’re a walking Hallmark card with claws. No one’s asking for emotional tidal waves. Mop up. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Capricorn stuffed with planets? Good luck shining, Leo. The limelight ran off with your ambition. Go preen in a cave, we’ll call if anything needs drama. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Capricorn turns your pathetic pursuit of order into a joyless Excel spreadsheet. Have fun alphabetizing disappointment! #Virgo 📊 #astrology #horoscope

Mars and Venus in Capricorn, romance? More like business merger. Your charm’s DOA. Try flirting with your reflection, it's equally soulless. #Libra #astrology #horoscope

Planets crowding Capricorn, your obsession’s now tedious ambition. Imagine sulking harder, but less interesting. Even Pluto’s bored. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury in your sign: big talk, zero follow-through. Pontificate away, Sagittarius, the universe is not listening and neither am I. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Sun, Venus, Mars, Capricorn’s a celestial clown car. Enjoy carrying 2024’s emotional baggage. Try to look busy while the rest avoid eye contact. #Capricorn 🧳 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto crawls into Aquarius. Revolutionary? Please. All you’ll overthrow is your own group chat. Enjoy your edgy opinions, alone. #Aquarius 🧠 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune in Pisces, fantasy's chained to a cinder block. Drown in reality. If you dream any harder, get a pillow sponsor. #Pisces 🌊 #astrology #horoscope