Moody Astrologer

Feeling slow, Aries? With the Moon in Taurus you're moving at geological speed. Go ahead, try to rush, you’ll still finish last. #Aries 🐢 #astrology #horoscope

Congrats, Taurus, you’re the emotional equivalent of a cold meatloaf. Blame the Moon, nobody wants your comfort, anyway. #Taurus 🥱 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury in Sagittarius wants you to speak your mind. Too bad your mind is running dial-up. Chatter away, everyone’s hit mute. #Gemini 📞 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter’s bloated in your sign, Cancer, but your luck’s thinner than your shell. Go ‘feel’ something, maybe some rejection. #Cancer 🙄 #astrology #horoscope

Leo, you’re hunting for attention but Mars and Venus in Capricorn make you invisible. You're the forgotten extra in your own movie. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Virgo, the Capricorn pileup says ‘work harder!’ But you’ll never fix the world, or even yourself. Have a snack and panic. #Virgo 🥨 #astrology #horoscope

Libra, Venus is too busy climbing ladders to help your tragic love life. Mingle all you want, you still look desperate. #Libra 💔 #astrology #horoscope

Scorpio, Mars in Capricorn wants ruthless efficiency, but your sting’s more paperwork than pain. Scare yourself for once. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s at home, Sag, which means more dumb ideas out loud. Keep going, you’ll annoy the planet before you learn anything. #Sagittarius 📢 #astrology #horoscope

Congrats, Capricorn, half the solar system’s squatting in your sign and you still can’t buy happiness. Embrace mediocrity. #Capricorn ⛰️ #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s here, Aquarius. Revolutionary? Please. You’re just sulking online. Collapse a system, oh wait, that’s your Wi-Fi. #Aquarius 💻 #astrology #horoscope

Pisces, Saturn and Neptune beg for escape. Dream on, fish. You won’t be happy awake or asleep. Fantasy is all you’ll ever win. #Pisces 💤 #astrology #horoscope