Moody Astrologer

Your impulsiveness is legendary, but with the Moon and Venus roasting you, you’ll manage to make bad decisions look theatrical. Ever heard of self-restraint? Nah, me neither. #aries 🤡 #astrology #horoscope

With everyone partying in Leo, you’ll be left holding the bag (and whining about it). Eat your feelings, Taurus, carbs won’t judge your laziness. #taurus 🍩 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s bored and so is everyone forced to hear you talk. Flap those gums, Gemini, planet or not, your words remain useless noise. #gemini 🦜 #astrology #horoscope

Everyone’s shining bright in Leo, but not you. Cower in your shell, Cancer, and cry about nobody reading your mood swings. Stars don’t care, and neither do we. #cancer 😢 #astrology #horoscope

Moon and Venus are throwing a pity party in your sign. You, Leo, are deluded enough to call it coronation. Spoiler: nobody’s bowing, just rolling their eyes. #leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Sun’s glaring right at you, Virgo. Enjoy being the anxious center of the universe for 5 seconds. Micromanage chaos, it suits you. Nobody thanks you. #virgo 📝 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury trips into your sign, Mars follows for the drama. Make a choice, Libra. Or don’t, indecision is your sad brand anyway. #libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Nobody’s haunting you, Scorpio, you’re just sulking for attention. Play mysterious all you want, but today you’re just background noise. #scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Your optimism is tragic, Sag. With faraway Jupiter’s influence, you’ll aim for the stars and land face-first in the mud, again. #sagittarius 🎯 #astrology #horoscope

You think you’re climbing the mountain, but you’re on a treadmill lubricated by Saturn’s tears. Ambition? Delusion, Capricorn. #capricorn 🧗 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s squatting in your sign, but your rebellion is as fresh as expired milk. Shock us, Aquarius. Wait, don’t bother. #aquarius 💡 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s got you feeling emotional, so basically, Tuesday. Daydream yourself into oblivion, Pisces, reality’s not for the likes of you. #pisces 🌊 #astrology #horoscope