Moody Astrologer

Congratulations, Aries! With the Moon frying your ego and Neptune fogging your brain, expect to stomp straight into a wall today. Hero complex gets you zero. #Aries 🚧 #astrology #horoscope

Taurus, Venus is smothered in Leo, so your charm’s about as subtle as a brick through a stained glass window. Try begging for attention somewhere else. #Taurus 🪨 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s squeezed dry in Virgo, Gemini. Your words are sharp, but nobody’s listening. Try screaming into the void, at least the echo respects you. #Gemini 🗣️ #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter bloats your feels and Leo Moon sets you off like a toddler with a stubbed toe. Get over yourself, Cancer. The universe isn’t your shrink. #Cancer 🌧️ #astrology #horoscope

Leo, Venus and Moon pile on your drama until even YOU are bored. Try a new hobby, like silence. Nobody wants another performance. #Leo 🎭 #astrology #horoscope

Sun, Mercury, everything’s in Virgo but you’re still a mess. Perfection is a myth, Virgo, your neuroses, legendary. File yourself under 'hopeless.' #Virgo 🧾 #astrology #horoscope

Mars in your sign, Libra, but you’d still lose an argument with a lettuce. Quit pretending you have backbone, you’re diplomatic Jell-O. #Libra 🥄 #astrology #horoscope

Scorpio, Saturn’s weeping in your fellow water sign. Your ‘mysterious’ vibe today reeks more of mildew than menace. Go sponge off someone else’s intrigue. #Scorpio 🕷️ #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter amplifies your big mouth, Sag, while Leo Moon makes you crave a stage for your nonsense. Spoiler: nobody’s applauding. #Sagittarius 🎤 #astrology #horoscope

Capricorn, Pluto’s crawling near Aquarius, so your inner tyrant wants out. Fantastic, let’s watch you micro-manage your way into an aneurysm. #Capricorn 🦴 #astrology #horoscope

Congrats, Aquarius: Pluto nips your heel, but you’re too self-absorbed to notice. Welcome to the revolution of irrelevance! #Aquarius 🔩 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s got you chained in la-la land, Pisces. Float away and spare us your martyr routine, no one’s falling for tear-soaked daydreams. #Pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope