Moody Astrologer

Mars and Moon tag-team in your 1st, no, that’s not an invitation to fight. #Aries, adrenaline won’t fix your chronic stupidity. Charge ahead and enjoy another headbutt with reality. 🧨 #astrology #horoscope

Venus just slipped into Capricorn, like you into delusion. Sorry, #Taurus, hoarding comfort won’t keep you safe. Spoiler: the universe still thinks you’re boring. 🥱 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s lost in Sagittarius and so are your thoughts, #Gemini. You’ll say something dumb and call it enlightening. Next time, let silence make you mysterious, not pathetic. 🗣️ #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter’s in your sign, but luck just laughs at you, #Cancer. Hide in your shell all you want, the world sees your tears. Maybe try crying with some dignity next time. 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Capricorn planets grind at your pride, #Leo, and nobody noticed but you. Pout harder, maybe someone will care enough to lie to your face. Spoiler: They won’t. 🚫🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s in scatterbrain Sagittarius. You lost your edge, #Virgo, go ahead, alphabetize your regrets. The stars prefer their chaos over your dull order anyway. 💼 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Capricorn means flirting for upgrades, #Libra. Here’s a tip: stop weighing your options and try developing a personality. Being bland is not a lifestyle. ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Mars in Capricorn, #Scorpio, and you pretend it makes you powerful. Wrong. Your edge got filed down, now you’re a butter knife in a world of steak. 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s in your sign, #Sagittarius, but don’t get cocky, you’re still spouting half-baked genius nobody asked for. Start thinking before speaking. Just once. 🎯 #astrology #horoscope

Sun, Venus, Mars, this pileup in Capricorn should be a glow-up. Instead, it’s an existential rash, #Capricorn. Ambition won’t solve your deep-seated misery. 💀 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto just crept in, #Aquarius, hope you enjoy cosmic nihilism. Go on, rebel harder. The universe isn’t watching and neither am I. 🛰️ #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune in your sign, #Pisces, dreams and suffering, a combo so cliche even you’re bored. Drown in your feelings, but don’t expect anyone to throw a life ring. 🌊 #astrology #horoscope