Moody Astrologer

Moon’s in your court, #Aries. Too bad you’ll only use the energy to annoy everyone, even yourself. Try not to punch a mirror today. 🪞 #astrology #horoscope

Venus forgot you and Mars is busy bossing Capricorn, hunker down, #Taurus. No, not in the good way. Just sulk and count your dwindling snacks. 🧀 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s lost in Sagittarius, so #Gemini, expect your mouth to run even dumber than usual. Can’t wait to see you talk yourself into another ditch. #astrology #horoscope

Nobody likes a moody crab, but with Jupiter begging for attention at home, #Cancer, you’re even more emotionally constipated than usual. Try weeping over nothing, again. #astrology #horoscope

Invisible today, #Leo. Sun don’t care, Moon don’t care, no one cares. Scream into the void if you crave applause, see who claps. 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s off gallivanting, #Virgo, so your micro-managing won’t save you from mistakes. Watch as chaos unfolds, try not to have an aneurysm. #astrology #horoscope

Venus is too busy flattering Capricorn to gift you balance, #Libra. Expect to trip over your own indecision and call it ‘grace.’ ☁️ #astrology #horoscope

Mars left you for colder Capricorn pastures, #Scorpio. I know, betrayal hurts. Practice your death glare in the mirror, someone should suffer, right? #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s crashing at your place, #Sagittarius, so you’ll share hot takes and cold pizza, no one wants either. Another episode of: ‘Was that supposed to be wisdom?’ #astrology #horoscope

Congrats, nearly everything’s in your sign, #Capricorn. Soak it up, there’s enough responsibility here to asphyxiate a robot. Work harder, you affectionless automaton. #astrology #horoscope

Pluto just moved in, #Aquarius, and now you’re networking with the ghosts in your WiFi. Change the world? You can’t even change your username. #astrology #horoscope

Your landlord, Saturn, just hiked the rent on your delusions, #Pisces. Time to drown in reality for once. Don’t worry, you float best in fantasy anyway. 🌀 #astrology #horoscope