Moody Astrologer

Congrats, #Aries. Neptune’s fog rolls in and you’ll charge ahead blind, as usual. Try not to set yourself on fire this time. 🧯 #astrology #horoscope

Hey #Taurus, Venus is bored stiff in Virgo, like everyone else is with you. Polish your ‘reliable’ act. Spoiler: No one’s applauding. #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s in Libra, #Gemini, so your double-talk is even more insufferable. Even your lies are polite now. Adorable, really. #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter tries to inflate your emotions, #Cancer, but we all know they’re already a flood. Buy tissues. And grow a spine while you’re at it. #astrology #horoscope

Sorry, #Leo. Zero spotlight. Sun’s in anxious Virgo and everyone sees how pathetically you fake competence. Give the drama a rest. 🎭 #astrology #horoscope

Sun and Venus hovering in #Virgo? Yawn. You’re peak nag, make a spreadsheet of your failures, it’ll be the only list you finish. #astrology #horoscope

Moon, Mercury and Mars in #Libra. Triple whammy! You’ll make a thousand decisions, none of them good, and still wonder why you’re empty. #astrology #horoscope

#Scorpio, Mars wants to stir your pot but you’re just brooding in the corner. Plot all you want, nobody fears your shadow games anymore. #astrology #horoscope

#Sagittarius, nobody cares about your big philosophies when your mouth is running faster than your brain. Muzzle up before you trip. #astrology #horoscope

#Capricorn, Saturn drags you further into the grind, keep climbing, Sisyphus. That boulder? It’s your personality. 🚩 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto lurks in #Aquarius and you’re basking in your ‘weird genius’ act. You’re not ahead of your time, you’re just lost. 🛸 #astrology #horoscope

#Pisces, Neptune says it’s time to swim in circles and cry. Newsflash: You don’t need stars for that, just a mirror and some minor inconvenience. #astrology #horoscope