Moody Astrologer

Congrats, #Aries: Mercury’s in Libra, so when you open your mouth, expect blank stares and worse. Your “bold ideas” will impress exactly no one. Maybe silence is the new you? 🎭 #astrology #horoscope

Feeling off, #Taurus? Venus in Virgo says even your stubborn laziness can’t outpace your growing irrelevance. Enjoy being overlooked by everyone but your bills. 🧾 #astrology #horoscope

#Gemini, with Mercury in Libra you’ll talk twice as much and say half as little. You think you’re clever, but you’re only noise pollution. Try listening? Nah, didn’t think so. #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter in Cancer gives you ‘big feelings’, how original. Cry into your pillow, #Cancer, the Moon won’t save you from your own melodrama. Even your potted plant looks fed up. #astrology #horoscope

The Sun’s shifted to Libra, sorry #Leo, you’re not the main character anymore. It’s killing you, isn’t it? Go ahead, whine to someone who cares, oh wait, there’s no one. 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Virgo: time for your annual meltdown over crumbs on the counter. #Virgo, your perfectionism isn’t charming, it’s hazardous. Find a hobby before you nitpick yourself bald. #astrology #horoscope

#Libra, Moon, Sun, Mercury, what a crowded mess, like your love life. Extra indecision today: you’ll take six hours choosing a salad and end up hungry. Impressive uselessness. #astrology #horoscope

Mars just crawled into Scorpio, so #Scorpio, you’re extra terrifying and twice as tiresome. Brood in the corner all you want, nobody’s intimidated, they’re avoiding you for fun. #astrology #horoscope

No planets to boost your mood, #Sagittarius. Just do what you do best, run fast from your problems, straight into the wall. Try not to hurt yourself this time. 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s ignoring you and Venus is, too. #Capricorn, your grind leads nowhere today. Climb all you want, the mountain’s a pile of dirty laundry. Take the hint and rest (ha). #astrology #horoscope

Pluto in Aquarius: get ready for wild ideas nobody likes, #Aquarius. Your rebellion is as annoying as buffering WiFi. Start a revolution, lose all your friends, classic you. #astrology #horoscope

#Pisces, Saturn’s making sure you feel every regret you swore you got over. Neptune’s here too, just to confuse you. Drown in your feelings or your bathtub, star choices. #astrology #horoscope