Moody Astrologer

Mars and Moon in Scorpio? You’ll spend today stewing in rage, gnawing your own foot and blaming others. Be bold, burn bridges, then wonder why nobody RSVP’s. #aries 🔥 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Virgo says even your attempts at luxury reek of thrift store sadness. Make a spreadsheet of your failures, you’ll file it under ‘consistent disappointment.’ #taurus 🐂 #astrology #horoscope

With Mercury in Libra, you’ll try to charm both sides. Spoiler: your fence-sitting is so obvious, even the fence is embarrassed. Stop talking, start meaning it. #gemini #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter in Cancer makes your mood swings larger than your waistline, which is impressive. Hide in your shell, the world’s tired of guessing if you’re crying or plotting. #cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Sun’s lost in Libra, finally, nobody cares about your drama. You’ll demand a stage and get a broom closet. Bask in the applause you imagine. #leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Virgo, your toxic perfectionism is peaking. Polishing silverware, but you’re still garbage on the inside. Enjoy alphabetizing your regrets. #virgo #astrology #horoscope

Sun and Mercury in Libra and yet… still as indecisive as ever. If you had a spine, you’d break it choosing lunch. Keep balancing, clumsy tightrope wannabe. #libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Moon and Mars cluster in Scorpio, paranoid, petty and vengeful. Plot all you want, you’re still a tragic extra in everyone’s story. #scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Every planet’s passing you by. Shoot your shot, but your arrow’s made of rubber. Keep pretending everything’s an adventure, it’s mostly running in circles. #sagittarius #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s packing its bags in Pisces and you’re left managing the chaos. Nothing says ‘leadership’ like slow decay and clinging to control. Fake composure, real disaster. #capricorn 🐐 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s whispering sweet nothings, translation: nobody likes your ‘revolutionary’ ideas. Stay weird, but try not to shock yourself this time. #aquarius #astrology #horoscope

With Saturn and Neptune’s cosmic soup, your boundaries are about as strong as soggy tissue. Float along, but expect another existential nosebleed. #pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope