Moody Astrologer

Libra Sun and Mercury say think before acting, but that's impossible for you. Run into walls, then blame the stars. Same brain, different bruise. #Aries 🧱 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Virgo sharpens your laziness to artisanal levels. You’d nap through an earthquake, then whine the pillow wasn’t silk. #Taurus 🐄 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury in Libra: you sound smart, yet say nothing. Congrats, Gemini! You win a gold medal in pointless babble, again. #Gemini 🗣️ #astrology #horoscope

Moon in Scorpio? Fantastic, now you’re emotional and out for blood. Time to guilt-trip people so hard they develop allergies. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Sorry, Leo, no one’s noticing you today, not even the Sun in Libra cares. Go scream at a mirror for attention. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Virgo makes you pickier than ever. If perfection existed, you’d complain it was too perfect. Alone with your spreadsheets, again. #Virgo 📊 #astrology #horoscope

Libra Sun and Mercury: peak indecision. File your taxes or pick a snack? Either way, you’ll regret it for days. #Libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Moon and Mars in Scorpio: you’re a vengeful soap opera villain with a mood swing kink. Nobody’s safe, and honestly, you love it. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Nobody cares about your wisdom, Sag. Jupiter in Cancer wants tears, not travel plans. So philosophize alone in your messy room. #Sagittarius 🎯 #astrology #horoscope

Authority issues? Saturn in Pisces can’t help, and neither can you. Expect wild failure with a side of existential whining. #Capricorn 🪨 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto in Aquarius makes you yearn to be edgy, but you’re still just a group chat weirdo. Revolt quietly, nobody’s impressed. #Aquarius 👽 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn in Pisces: your sob story is tired. Tell it to the fish. Hold a pity parade, if only so someone finally attends. #Pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope