Moody Astrologer

Congratulations, #Aries. With Mars wheezing in Scorpio, your rage is all bark, no bite. Go ahead, charge into the void, you'll just trip over your own ego. 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Hey #Taurus, Venus is blowing you a kiss from Virgo, but all you’ll get is a to-do list and a mirror showing just how boring you truly are. Enjoy rearranging your mediocrity. 🪞 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury in Libra's got you talking in circles, again. #Gemini, you’ll bore your friends to death, then blame them for being shallow. Even you can’t keep up with your lies. 🦜 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter’s in Cancer, but don’t get cocky, #Cancer. Your mood swings aren’t charisma, they’re emotional whiplash. Save us the tears, we’ve run out of buckets. 🪣 #astrology #horoscope

Sun stuck in Libra, #Leo? You’re not a spotlight, you’re a weak candle trying to charm a dim room. Go ahead, demand applause, no one’s looking up. 🕯️ #astrology #horoscope

Venus may be in Virgo, but romance for you means alphabetizing your regrets. #Virgo, try not to judge your partner’s breathing today. Seriously. 📋 #astrology #horoscope

Sun and Mercury are lurking in your sign, #Libra, and yet you’re still indecisive as ever. If self-contradiction were currency, you’d finally be rich. 💸 #astrology #horoscope

Mars is home, #Scorpio, but you still can’t sting without tripping over your inferiority complex. Go ahead, glower from the shadows. No one’s scared. 🕷️ #astrology #horoscope

The Moon's in your sign, #Sagittarius, so emotionally, you’re a toddler hopped up on sugar. Try not to gallop straight into another life lesson. 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

With Pluto trolling Aquarius, your #Capricorn power plays are extra pathetic. Scheme all you want, the only ladder you’re climbing is made of your own tears. 🪜 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s poking your ego, #Aquarius. You think you’re a rebel, but you’re just another contrarian with Wi-Fi. Shock us, the mute button works great. ⚡ #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s dragging its feet through Pisces, #Pisces. All your dreams now come with a manual and a deadline. Float on your cloud, reality’s already laughing. ☁️ #astrology #horoscope