Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on November 7th, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
Congrats, Aries, the Moon in Gemini gifts you a new superpower: talking yourself into disasters. Maybe next time ask your brain for directions first. #Aries 🐏 #astrology #horoscope
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
Venus in Scorpio means you’ll confuse obsession for romance. Go ahead, Taurus, cling like a barnacle, then cry victim when it all crashes. #Taurus 💀 #astrology #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
With Moon and Uranus in your sign, Gemini, you’ll out-chat even yourself, pity no one else wants to listen, not even your reflection. #Gemini 🎭 #astrology #horoscope
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
Jupiter puffs up your emotions, Cancer. Oh joy: you’ll cry over spilled milk, then write poetry about it. Move on, melodrama queen. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
Mercury and Mars say: roar louder, Leo, no one’s impressed yet! Shout your self-importance from the rooftops, or just post another selfie. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
Mars in Sagittarius gives you the energy to critique everyone and fix nothing. Micromanage all you want, Virgo. The world rolls its eyes. #Virgo 📋 #astrology #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
Venus in Scorpio twists your fake charm into real poison. Smile sweetly as you sabotage both sides. Perfection, Libra, or just pathetic? #Libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
Sun in your sign but Venus ruins the party, brooding’s your whole personality now. Maybe try joy? No, you’d hate that. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
Mercury and Mars in your sign: Mouth runs faster than your legs, Sagittarius. Brag, trip, repeat. How’s the taste of your own foot? #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Pluto in Aquarius says you’re due for a transformation, Capricorn. Good luck, polishing a stone still leaves you cold and dull. #Capricorn 🪓 #astrology #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
Pluto drops in and Saturn fogs your genius. Rebel without a clue, Aquarius. Enjoy spinning clever schemes no one cares to join. #Aquarius 👽 #astrology #horoscope
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
Saturn and Neptune in your fishbowl drown you in delusions, Pisces. Float away in fantasy. Don’t worry, reality won’t miss you. #Pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in scorpio | 14° 49' |
| moon in gemini | 5° 30' |
| mercury in sagittarius | 6° 19' |
| venus in scorpio | 0° 4' |
| mars in sagittarius | 1° 45' |
| jupiter in cancer | 25° 6' |
| saturn in pisces | 25° 33' |
| uranus in gemini | 0° 2' |
| neptune in pisces | 29° 40' |
| pluto in aquarius | 1° 30' |
