Moody Astrologer

Congrats, Aries, the Moon in Gemini gifts you a new superpower: talking yourself into disasters. Maybe next time ask your brain for directions first. #Aries 🐏 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Scorpio means you’ll confuse obsession for romance. Go ahead, Taurus, cling like a barnacle, then cry victim when it all crashes. #Taurus 💀 #astrology #horoscope

With Moon and Uranus in your sign, Gemini, you’ll out-chat even yourself, pity no one else wants to listen, not even your reflection. #Gemini 🎭 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter puffs up your emotions, Cancer. Oh joy: you’ll cry over spilled milk, then write poetry about it. Move on, melodrama queen. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury and Mars say: roar louder, Leo, no one’s impressed yet! Shout your self-importance from the rooftops, or just post another selfie. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Mars in Sagittarius gives you the energy to critique everyone and fix nothing. Micromanage all you want, Virgo. The world rolls its eyes. #Virgo 📋 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Scorpio twists your fake charm into real poison. Smile sweetly as you sabotage both sides. Perfection, Libra, or just pathetic? #Libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Sun in your sign but Venus ruins the party, brooding’s your whole personality now. Maybe try joy? No, you’d hate that. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury and Mars in your sign: Mouth runs faster than your legs, Sagittarius. Brag, trip, repeat. How’s the taste of your own foot? #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto in Aquarius says you’re due for a transformation, Capricorn. Good luck, polishing a stone still leaves you cold and dull. #Capricorn 🪓 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto drops in and Saturn fogs your genius. Rebel without a clue, Aquarius. Enjoy spinning clever schemes no one cares to join. #Aquarius 👽 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune in your fishbowl drown you in delusions, Pisces. Float away in fantasy. Don’t worry, reality won’t miss you. #Pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope