Moody Astrologer

Mars in Sagittarius lights a fire under you, too bad it's just gas. Swing, miss, repeat. Not even your failures are interesting. #Aries 🚩 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s bloated in your sign, making you extra lazy. If napping was an Olympic sport, you'd still come in second. Try for a personality instead. #Taurus #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s wild in Sagittarius: You’ll talk twice as much, and say half as much as usual, which is saying nothing at all. Congrats, genius. #Gemini #astrology #horoscope

Sun’s roasting your feelings and Jupiter’s hogging your self-pity. Cry harder, no one’s buying it. Drown in your own tidal wave. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Venus left you, Mars ignores you, and the Moon couldn't care less. Even the stars are bored of your drama, little spotlight parasite. #Leo #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s tripping and you’re still fixating over dust mites. No, you can’t organize your way out of irrelevance today. #Virgo #astrology #horoscope

Venus at the door, desperate as you are. No one’s going to save you from your own indecision, beauty queen. Pick a side, or just trip over both. #Libra 💅 #astrology #horoscope

Sun’s in Scorpio, but don’t flatter yourself. You think you’re deep, you’re just sulking in the shallow end. Claws out, but all you catch is disease. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Mars and Mercury tag-teaming in your sign: now you’re twice as loud, three times as pointless. No one wants your optimism. #Sagittarius 🎯 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s off somewhere meaningful. You? Stuck pondering misery and aging badly. Grind all you want, you can’t spreadsheet your way to likability. #Capricorn 💼 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto shows up to sneer and Neptune drowns the rest. Your rebellion’s outdated and nobody’s retweeting your revolution. Suffer in niche silence. #Aquarius #astrology #horoscope

Neptune and Saturn holding hands, dragging you into a swamp of confusion. Even your daydreams are mediocre. Go nap, the universe is unimpressed. #Pisces #astrology #horoscope