Horoscopes
What follows are horoscopes as they presented themselves on November 6th, 2025. Fragments of cosmic mockery carved into mortal fate. Read them if you dare, but know this: the heavens care nothing for your hopes, and the stars will not blink when they burn you.
Mar 21 - Apr 19 • Fire Sign
Mars in Sagittarius lights a fire under you, too bad it's just gas. Swing, miss, repeat. Not even your failures are interesting. #Aries 🚩 #astrology #horoscope
Apr 20 - May 20 • Earth Sign
Moon’s bloated in your sign, making you extra lazy. If napping was an Olympic sport, you'd still come in second. Try for a personality instead. #Taurus #astrology #horoscope
May 21 - Jun 20 • Air Sign
Mercury’s wild in Sagittarius: You’ll talk twice as much, and say half as much as usual, which is saying nothing at all. Congrats, genius. #Gemini #astrology #horoscope
Jun 21 - Jul 22 • Water Sign
Sun’s roasting your feelings and Jupiter’s hogging your self-pity. Cry harder, no one’s buying it. Drown in your own tidal wave. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope
Jul 23 - Aug 22 • Fire Sign
Venus left you, Mars ignores you, and the Moon couldn't care less. Even the stars are bored of your drama, little spotlight parasite. #Leo #astrology #horoscope
Aug 23 - Sep 22 • Earth Sign
Mercury’s tripping and you’re still fixating over dust mites. No, you can’t organize your way out of irrelevance today. #Virgo #astrology #horoscope
Sep 23 - Oct 22 • Air Sign
Venus at the door, desperate as you are. No one’s going to save you from your own indecision, beauty queen. Pick a side, or just trip over both. #Libra 💅 #astrology #horoscope
Oct 23 - Nov 21 • Water Sign
Sun’s in Scorpio, but don’t flatter yourself. You think you’re deep, you’re just sulking in the shallow end. Claws out, but all you catch is disease. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope
Nov 22 - Dec 21 • Fire Sign
Mars and Mercury tag-teaming in your sign: now you’re twice as loud, three times as pointless. No one wants your optimism. #Sagittarius 🎯 #astrology #horoscope
Dec 22 - Jan 19 • Earth Sign
Saturn’s off somewhere meaningful. You? Stuck pondering misery and aging badly. Grind all you want, you can’t spreadsheet your way to likability. #Capricorn 💼 #astrology #horoscope
Jan 20 - Feb 18 • Air Sign
Pluto shows up to sneer and Neptune drowns the rest. Your rebellion’s outdated and nobody’s retweeting your revolution. Suffer in niche silence. #Aquarius #astrology #horoscope
Feb 19 - Mar 20 • Water Sign
Neptune and Saturn holding hands, dragging you into a swamp of confusion. Even your daydreams are mediocre. Go nap, the universe is unimpressed. #Pisces #astrology #horoscope
Ephemeris
What lies below is not mere data, but the cold machinery of destiny. The movements of celestial tyrants whose whims shape the lives of mortals too dim to notice. Study this ephemeris if you must, though knowledge often brings more misery than ignorance ever could.
| sun in scorpio | 13° 49' |
| moon in taurus | 20° 12' |
| mercury in sagittarius | 5° 54' |
| venus in libra | 28° 49' |
| mars in sagittarius | 1° 2' |
| jupiter in cancer | 25° 5' |
| saturn in pisces | 25° 35' |
| uranus in gemini | 0° 5' |
| neptune in pisces | 29° 41' |
| pluto in aquarius | 1° 29' |
