Moody Astrologer

Mars in Sagittarius, eh? All muscle, zero aim. Bullheaded, loud, and about as subtle as a sledgehammer. Congrats on blundering into another disaster. #Aries 🪓 #astrology #horoscope

Uranus twitching in your sign, expect boredom with a lightning bolt of humiliation. Stay still, bull, and enjoy being nature’s doormat. #Taurus 🐂 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s sulking in Scorpio, so your ‘charm’ is toxic as ever. Open your mouth, kill the vibe, classic #Gemini. At least you’re consistent! 🦋 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter’s loose in your sign, Cancer. Go ahead, bubble up those feelings, everyone’s waiting for your next emotional meltdown. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Sun’s far from center stage. Leo, you’ll do anything to be seen, even embarrass yourself in public. Go purr in a corner. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Scorpio says even your nagging is creepier than usual. Analyze that, Virgo, while nobody listens. #Virgo 📉 #astrology #horoscope

Venus drowned in Scorpio, sorry, Libra, love is poison this week. You’re not irresistible, just irritable. #Libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Mercury & Venus tag-teaming your sign, everyone’s sick of your melodrama and sting. Don’t worry, you’re still not mysterious, just exhausting. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Sun and Mars boozing together, perfect, Sag: more fire, more dumb decisions. You’ll run with scissors just because you can. #Sagittarius 🎯 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s rotting in Capricorn, soak up that emotional constipation. Nobody needs your stone-cold advice today. #Capricorn 🪨 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto in Aquarius and you’re still convinced you’re smarter. Congrats, now you’re just obnoxious and wrong, but louder. #Aquarius 🚀 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn & Neptune drowning your rotted fish-heart. All your dreams will sink. Swim in circles, call it spirituality. #Pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope