Moody Astrologer

Look at you, Aries, charging in clueless while everyone else upgrades to brains. Moon screams ‘rebel’, but you’re just rebelling against common sense. Trip over your own ego today. #Aries 🚧 #astrology #horoscope

Venus is in Scorpio, Taurus, so your stubbornness is less ‘solid rock,’ more ‘swamp muck’, congrats on digging your heels in quicksand. Dull, predictable, and now slightly smellier. #Taurus 🐄 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s in Scorpio, Gemini, so your ‘charm’ is basically lying with extra steps. Try talking less today, the silence will only improve your image. #Gemini 🤐 #astrology #horoscope

Cancer, Jupiter pumps up those feelings just when nobody wants them. Hope your shell’s thick, because you’re about to drown everyone in melodrama, again. #Cancer 🌊 #astrology #horoscope

Leo, the Sun’s in Sagittarius and all you want is attention, but the stars are busy laughing at you. Strut if you must, but nobody’s watching. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Virgo, Mercury in Scorpio sharpens your critique to ‘public menace’ level. Newsflash: rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic won’t save you. #Virgo 🗑️ #astrology #horoscope

Libra, Venus in Scorpio makes you crave romance with the emotional grace of a caffeinated squirrel. Good luck finding balance, today, it’s an inside joke. #Libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Wow, Scorpio, Mercury and Venus right at home, so basically you’re even more insufferable. Everyone’s tired of your ‘mysterious’ nonsense. Shut up, slither back to your lair. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Sun and Mars let you cosplay as philosopher-warrior, Sagittarius. Still, you’re all hype, no wisdom. Save your epic speeches, nobody cares. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn squares your Capricorn soul, so what’s new? Another day pretending you’re in control, while the real power slips through your grasp. Pathetic and on-brand. #Capricorn 🦴 #astrology #horoscope

Moon and Pluto crash your sign, Aquarius. Revolutionary? Please. You’re a weirdo on a soapbox, shouting into the void. Keep ‘changing the world’, I need the laughs. #Aquarius 👽 #astrology #horoscope

Neptune and Saturn in Pisces means more delusions, less dignity. It’s impressive, really, how you turn escape into an art form. Go nap, you’re useless awake. #Pisces 💤 #astrology #horoscope