Moody Astrologer

Mars has you charging like a headless chicken into disaster. #Aries, ever tried thinking before acting? Nah, that’d require a brain. 💥 #astrology #horoscope

Venus is drowning in Scorpio, so expect your laziness to reach new depths. #Taurus, you’d sleep through an earthquake if carbs were involved. 💤 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s moody in Scorpio and so are you, except dumber. #Gemini, nobody needs your opinions this week, but you won’t shut up anyway. 🙄 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s weeping in Pisces, so go ahead and out-sulk everyone. #Cancer, your feelings aren’t deep, they’re just bottomless pits of self-pity. 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Sagittarius Sun says shine, but you’re just a smoke machine at this point. #Leo, the world called, it wants less drama and fewer cringe selfies. 🔥 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury skulking in Scorpio turns your obsessing into sheer paranoia. #Virgo, nobody cares about your color-coded spreadsheets, except you, nerd. 📉 #astrology #horoscope

Venus is all dark and twisted. #Libra, your fake charm couldn’t smooth over this dumpster fire of a week. Flattery won’t save you now. 🕊️ #astrology #horoscope

Mercury and Venus both in your pit, no wonder you’re extra toxic. #Scorpio, people avoid you like a tax audit, and for good reason. 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Sun and Mars in your sign, delusion and chaos reign. #Sagittarius, your ‘wisdom’ today is just loud nonsense, again. 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Moon and Saturn sobbing in Pisces, so you’ll stoically pretend you’re not falling apart. #Capricorn, schedule a cry between meetings, robot. 🧱 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto's peeking your way, but you’re still a walking contradiction. #Aquarius, rebellion just to be annoying isn’t a personality. 🧊 #astrology #horoscope

Moon, Saturn, and Neptune conspire to make you the town hallucination. #Pisces, even your daydreams are embarrassing. Snap out of it! 🌊 #astrology #horoscope