Moody Astrologer

If ego were fuel, you’d explode today. Mars rages in Sagittarius, so expect to charge at every windmill and trip over your own hot air. Dumb luck won’t save you, #aries. 🐏 #astrology #horoscope

Venus is bored, and so is everyone else with your stubborn whining. Your comfort zone is now a prison. Netflix won’t call it a ‘spiritual retreat,’ #taurus. 📺 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s stuck pouting in Scorpio, so your gossip will backfire with extra venom. Congrats, #gemini, you’re the office rumor plague this week. 🦠 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s overstaying its welcome in your sign. So are your feelings. Hold another pity party, #cancer, no one’s RSVPing. 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Sun is ignoring you for Sagittarius, nobody’s impressed with your dramatic yawns for attention. Try subtlety, if you can spell it, #leo. 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s glaring at your little checklists from Pisces. Nothing’s tidy, nobody cares, perfection is extinct. Get over it, #virgo. 🧹 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Sagittarius forgot your sign exists. Good luck balancing anything if you keep flip-flopping like an indecisive goldfish, #libra. 🎭 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s hiding in your sign. Your dark secrets aren’t mysterious, they’re just embarrassing. Nice try, #scorpio, keep lurking. 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Sun + Mars burning holes in your pocket. All that fire, yet zero wisdom, just noise and reckless bets. Try not to blow up, #sagittarius. 🎲 #astrology #horoscope

With Pluto creeping toward Aquarius, your control-freak routine is ancient history. Nobody fears you, #capricorn. Attempt relevance. 🗿 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Pluto are closing in. Your weirdness isn’t unique, it’s exhausting. Build a robot to listen to your rants, #aquarius. 🤖 #astrology #horoscope

Neptune and Saturn in Pisces, double dose of delusion. Cry another mystical river, #pisces. It won’t float your boat. 🐟 #astrology #horoscope