Moody Astrologer

You wake up thinking you’re a hero, but with #Aries flailing under Virgo Moon, all you’ll conquer is your emails, and badly at that. Mars says go, wisdom says no 🪓. #astrology #horoscope

Hey #Taurus, cling to your comfort zone all you want, Venus is busy vacationing in Sagittarius, so your chances of love or luxury are as dead as your ambitions. 🐂💤 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s brooding in Scorpio, so your witty #Gemini banter comes off as desperate prattle. Keep talking, maybe someone will pretend to care. 🦗 #astrology #horoscope

Fragile #Cancer, clutch your pearls, Jupiter boosts your drama, but the Moon won’t save you from drowning in your own mopiness. Call your mother, she’s busy. #astrology #horoscope

#Leo, the only spotlight on you is from a train and you’re tied to the tracks. Sagittarius Sun sets you ablaze, but all you create is smoke. 🔥 #astrology #horoscope

Your precious plans, #Virgo? The Moon’s in your sign and you’re irritating everyone with perfectionist nonsense. Congrats on being the office virus. 🦠 #astrology #horoscope

Balanced? #Libra, please. Venus forgot you exist, so your charm is DOA. Try networking, unless you want rejection as your star sign. ☠️ #astrology #horoscope

#Scorpio, Mercury’s sulking in your corner, so your ‘deep insights’ sound like bitter rants. Plot all you want. No one fears you. 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

#Sagittarius, the Sun, Venus, and Mars are in your yard but you still can’t get your life together. Brag louder, maybe someone will believe you. 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

#Capricorn, Saturn whispers responsibility, but you’re too tired to fake it. Chase those dreams… into a ditch. No one will notice your absence. ⛰️ #astrology #horoscope

The only thing rebellious about you, #Aquarius, is your inability to shut up about your quirks. Pluto’s here, enjoy your irrelevant identity crisis. 🫧 #astrology #horoscope

Float away, #Pisces. Neptune and Saturn muddle your brain into mush. You couldn’t spot reality with a telescope and a guide dog. 🐟 #astrology #horoscope