Moody Astrologer

MOON in Virgo says: Your to-do list has seen more action than you this year. Go ahead, pick a fight you’ll lose. Again. #Aries 🐏 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Sagittarius is sending you a bill: all that comfort eating and Netflix will cost you. Spoiling yourself? You’d eat straw if someone wrapped it in gold. #Taurus 💸 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury in Sagittarius makes your mouth run wild with ‘truth bombs’, AKA lies. You call it wit, others call it ‘why are you like this?’ #Gemini 🤥 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter tried to bless you but you’re so busy hiding in your shell it missed. Your feelings are not a personality, try again. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Sun in Sagittarius says: Your need for attention is so desperate, even the stars wince. Maybe not every room needs your entrance. #Leo 🎭 #astrology #horoscope

Moon in Virgo amps up your neurosis to Olympic levels. Anxiety isn’t a hobby, but you collect it anyway. Congrats? #Virgo 🧹 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Sagittarius just cranked your indecision to a fever pitch. Can you even pick an outfit without existential dread? #Libra 🪞 #astrology #horoscope

Mars in Sagittarius: Your sting is more whine than bite lately. Stop plotting, start living, or are both too much work? #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Sun, Mercury, Venus, Mars in Sagittarius? The universe is trolling us by letting you think you matter. Kindly shut up. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Neptune and Saturn in Pisces fog up your plans so hard, your famous ambition just faceplants. Get used to eating dust. #Capricorn 🐐 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto creeping in Aquarius: You think you’re revolutionary? Please. You’d riot if it trended, then post about it. #Aquarius 🤖 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune tag-team your dreamworld. Reality check: you’re not special, just lost. And wet. Good swim. #Pisces 🌊 #astrology #horoscope