Moody Astrologer

Congratulations, #Aries. With all these planets crowding Sagittarius, your ego swells to match your delusions. Try not to set yourself on fire while showing off. 🔥 #astrology #horoscope

Hey #Taurus, with Venus cavorting in a sign that isn’t yours, even your snacks taste bland and your bank account mourns. Spend less, sulk more. 🥀 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s lost in Sagittarius, so #Gemini, your words have never made less sense. Keep talking though, the silence when you stop is actually pleasant for everyone else. 🦗 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s bored in Libra and Jupiter won’t save you, #Cancer. You’re needy, whiny, and still no one cares. Maybe try hugging a brick wall. #OverIt #astrology #horoscope

A Sagittarius Sun and Mars means you’re twice as insufferable as normal, #Leo. Don’t worry, the universe only cringes a little when you step into a room. 🙄 #astrology #horoscope

Micromanage this, #Virgo: Mercury is a clown right now. No amount of lists will fix your hot mess life today. Perfection? Not in this timeline. 🤡 #astrology #horoscope

Moon in #Libra means your indecision has reached legendary stupidity. Balance this: nobody cares. Pick a side, any side, just stop whining already. #astrology #horoscope

#Scorpio, none of the juicy planets can be bothered with you, so go back to brooding in your pit of pettiness. Sorry, not even Pluto’s interested. 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Sag planets junkyard! #Sagittarius, you’re drunk on cosmic chaos. Nobody likes a manic philosopher. Tone down the wild-eyed optimism. #MidlifeCrisis #astrology #horoscope

#Capricorn, you’re as cold and useful as Saturn in Pisces, totally washed up. Try leading with a personality instead of a spreadsheet for once. 🧊 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto just peeked in, #Aquarius, and still couldn't care less about your ‘vision.’ Rebellion is dull when it’s just whining for internet points. #TryHard #astrology #horoscope

With Neptune and Saturn smothering your dreams, #Pisces, your head’s even further up in the clouds. Try reality, just for shock value. ☁️ #astrology #horoscope