Moody Astrologer

Congratulations, #aries: with your luck and Mars cooked silly in Sagittarius, your ‘spontaneity’ today will look like another tragic attempt at thinking before acting. Try not to start yet another lost cause. 🪓 #astrology #horoscope

Hey #taurus, while Venus prances past you, prepare for a lesson: comfort is dead, snacks are stale, and you’re still as animated as a garden gnome. Nap like it’s a personality. 🛋️ #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s in Sagittarius, so #gemini, every word you say is extra dumb and twice as loud. It’s a gift, like a foghorn with WiFi. Try listening, you might hate it! 📢 #astrology #horoscope

Big watery Jupiter, but guess what, #cancer? Not even the Moon in Libra can save your relationships from your tragic cling. Go ahead, guilt everyone, it’s still exhausting. #astrology #horoscope

What’s that, #leo? Your spotlight ran out of batteries. Sun and Venus ignore you, so crank up your drama for the bored crowd. Nobody’s impressed, but you’ll never know. 🎭 #astrology #horoscope

#virgo, Mercury’s off in Sagittarius and your routine is slipping into chaos. Time to organize your panic attacks alphabetically. Maybe then you’ll feel ‘productive’. 🗂️ #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s in your sign, #libra, which means your indecision reaches Olympic heights. Congratulations, you’re unbearable and decorative all at once! Pick a side or stay irrelevant. #astrology #horoscope

Mars is hyper and you’re still brooding, #scorpio. Turns out spicy Sagittarius energy just exposes your paranoia. Paranoia is NOT a hobby, stop polishing that grudge. 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

You’re marinated in Sun, Venus, Mars, AND Mercury, #sagittarius. Boosted ego, louder nonsense, even less self-awareness. Somehow, you’ll trip face-first into the next disaster. 😏 #astrology #horoscope

With cosmic debris everywhere but your sign, #capricorn, congratulations: your grind is invisible. Not even the stars care, so climb that mountain to nobody’s applause. #astrology #horoscope

Pluto is bored in your sign, #aquarius. No revolution coming, just your cold takes and endless ranting. Humanity asked for innovation, not your weird manifesto. 🚮 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune: maximum ‘poor me’, #pisces. Do try to weaponize your sensitivity less, or at least cry somewhere new and interesting. The bathtub is bored of you. #astrology #horoscope