Moody Astrologer

You’re swaggering like you invented confidence, Aries, but with Mars lost in Sagittarius, you couldn’t fight your way out of a paper bag. Trip over your ego and call it cardio. #Aries 🥊 #astrology #horoscope

Venus abandons you for hyperactive Sagittarius, no one wants your stale hugs or needy texts today, Taurus. Even your houseplants are plotting to leave. #Taurus 🌿 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s gone full Sagittarius frat boy, Gemini. You’ll talk loud, say nothing, and convince yourself everyone’s impressed. Spoiler: they’re just annoyed. #Gemini 📢 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter weeps for you, but the Moon’s in Libra and no one actually cares. Your feelings are as deep as a puddle, Cancer. Try not to drown, oh wait, you can’t. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

The Sun scornfully ignores you from Sagittarius, Leo. Go ahead, beg for attention, you’ll get less applause than a silent film. Ego bruised yet? Good. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Everyone’s running wild, and you’re stuck trying to alphabetize your regrets, Virgo. Give up. The cosmos isn’t accepting your improvement tips today. #Virgo 📎 #astrology #horoscope

Moon in your sign, Libra, but harmony is a joke and you’re the punchline. Keep pleasing everyone, all you’ll get is exhaustion and a participation trophy. #Libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Your brooding’s wasted, Mars is elsewhere and nobody’s scared of your death glare, Scorpio. Menace all you like, you’re about as threatening as a damp sock. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

It’s a fire circus in your backyard, Sagittarius. With every planet moving through your sign, you’re a walking midlife crisis. Don’t worry, nobody expects better. #Sagittarius 🎯 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s off napping in Pisces, Capricorn, and discipline left you on read. Good luck pretending you’re in control while everything crumbles, captain of the sinking ship. #Capricorn 🪨 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto tiptoes in, Aquarius, but no one notices, they’re too busy blocking your rants. Embrace irrelevance, trendsetter, even your rebellion’s passé. #Aquarius ⚡️ #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune are partying in your house, Pisces, so your reality is a fever dream and your boundaries are theoretical. Enjoy self-pity, it’s all you’ve got. #Pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope