Moody Astrologer

You’ll trip over your own ambition and call it victory. Saturn and Neptune are laughing as you mistake chaos for action. Go start another fire you can’t finish. #Aries 🔥 #astrology #horoscope

Venus is in Virgo, so even your self-care reeks of desperation. Try staging an intervention for your snack habit, couch potato. Don’t choke on your routine. #Taurus 🥔 #astrology #horoscope

With Mercury tangled in Libra, you flirt with both sides and still manage to bore everyone. Try making one decision today, you might faint from the effort. #Gemini 🤡 #astrology #horoscope

Moon in Capricorn: your feelings are colder than your relatives’ greetings. Try not to sulk when nobody cares about your latest emotional meltdown. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Libra Sun dims your spotlight, applause replaced by yawns. Nobody wants to hear your tragic monologue this week. Deal with it, drama llama. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in your sign: perfectionist panic mode. Don’t worry, nobody noticed your tiny mistake, they stopped listening hours ago. Go alphabetize your regrets. #Virgo 📚 #astrology #horoscope

Libra pile-up: Sun and Mercury. You’re so indecisive today, you might not even finish reading this insult. Have a coin ready, maybe for your next friend, too. #Libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Mars is revving in your dark little pond, but you’ll sting yourself (again). Pouty Scorpio, your vendetta list grows longer than your talent. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter in Cancer: you try to be deep but end up crying at memes. Go ahead, overpromise and underdeliver, you philosophical side dish. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s in your house, so you’ll cry in the boardroom and call it ‘strategy’. All the grind, none of the soul. At least no one expects warmth from #Capricorn 🪨 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s sniffing around, but rebellion needs brains. Go invent a new way to annoy your friends, your last revolution got you ghosted. #Aquarius 💧 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s got you sobbing over spilled dreams. Not even Neptune can drown your self-pity. Keep daydreaming, they prefer you comatose. #Pisces 🐟 #astrology #horoscope