Moody Astrologer

Congratulations, #Aries: your Moon’s tantrum is visible from space. Try not to combust with self-importance today, leave some oxygen for the rest of us. 🧨 #astrology #horoscope

Venus is wincing in Libra, but you’ll still chase comfort food and petty drama. Keep grazing, #Taurus, maybe you’ll finally stuff that emotional void. 🍩 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s out joyriding in Sagittarius, so your mouth is running sprints while your brain naps. #Gemini, have you ever finished a thought? Didn’t think so. 🦜 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter’s bloated in Cancer, inflating your neediness. You think you’re nurturing, #Cancer, but really you’re just stage-five clinger with attachment issues. 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Mars is showing Scorpio’s ego how it’s done, so you’re feeling invisible. Sorry, #Leo, but the spotlight called, said it’s booked for actual talent. 🙅‍♂️ #astrology #horoscope

Venus is trying to polish Libra, but you’re already perfect, right? Keep nitpicking, #Virgo. Maybe one day you’ll find a flaw in your own reflection. 🪞 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in your house? Even she’s tired of your fence-sitting. #Libra, make a decision for once, or I’ll do it for you and it’ll be cruel. ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Sun in Scorpio: your season, your illusion of power, your mess. Enjoy pretending you’re mysterious, #Scorpio, while everyone just calls you ‘unstable’. 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s in Sagittarius, so your mouth’s writing checks your brain can’t cash. No, #Sagittarius, no one wants your unsolicited wisdom today. 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s creeping toward Aquarius, but don’t worry, #Capricorn: you’ll still fail to control literally anything but your own misery. 🏔️ #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s got you thinking you’re edgy, #Aquarius. Try harder, even Uranus in Gemini’s bored of your rebel routine. Yawn. 🤖 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn’s in Pisces, so you’re all tears and existential whining. #Pisces, grow up: if you want sympathy, buy a goldfish. 🐟 #astrology #horoscope