Moody Astrologer

Moon crashes your ego, Mars sets your fuse. Congrats: today you’ll start a fight, lose, and whine on the way home. Your brand. #Aries 💥 #astrology #horoscope

Moon’s sitting on your fat, lazy seat. You’ve got the emotional range of a potato and twice the inertia. Move? Impossible. #Taurus 🥔 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s brainfog meets Uranus static. You’ll speak nonsense, change sides, and be forgotten before lunch. Typical #Gemini, yawn. 🪫 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter inflates your self-pity, Moon stirs the swamp. Everyone’s tired of your sob story, cry harder, no one’s listening. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Venus ignores you, Sun's sulking in Scorpio. Tough break, spotlight hog: today, nobody cares and it’s eating you alive. #Leo 🦁 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s in Sagittarius, precision? Lol, not for you. You’ll nitpick yourself into paralysis and still get it all wrong. #Virgo 🔪 #astrology #horoscope

Venus limps out, goodbye charm, hello awkward. Try to mediate today and watch both sides hate you. Again. #Libra ⚖️ #astrology #horoscope

Sun’s home, but you’re still miserable. All that edge and drama, still nobody’s afraid of you. Peak #Scorpio disappointment. 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Mars and Mercury fuel you with hot air. Run your reckless mouth, then trip over your own bravado. Everyone hates a loud fool. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter says work, Saturn says cry. Today you’ll grind, stress, and still get bossed by people dumber than you. #Capricorn 🪨 #astrology #horoscope

Uranus is bored, Pluto’s scowling. You’re about as avant-garde as a soggy sock. Take that quirkiness and shove it. #Aquarius 🧊 #astrology #horoscope

Neptune, Saturn, and reality have a bar fight in your head. Guess who loses? You, in public, again. Seek help, or a nap. #Pisces 💤 #astrology #horoscope