Moody Astrologer

Congrats, Aries. Mars in Capricorn turns your usual tantrums into cold, corporate backstabbing. You’re ruthless now, but still too dumb to get a promotion. #Aries 💼 #astrology #horoscope

Hey Taurus, with Uranus still frying you and Venus ignoring you, your love life’s more stale than your sock drawer. Enjoy hugging your overpriced crystals. #Taurus 🪨 #astrology #horoscope

Gemini, Mercury in Sagittarius means your mouth’s even louder and dumber than usual. Go ahead, overshare, watching you tank your own reputation is my new sport. #Gemini 🗣️ #astrology #horoscope

Cancer, with that cold Moon and Sun in Capricorn, you’re stuck in emotional Siberia. Go ahead, cry about it, but no one’s sending you a rescue party. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Leo, everyone’s attention is elsewhere now. Your drama isn’t even background noise. It hurts, doesn’t it, when the Sun literally can’t be bothered by you? #Leo 🎭 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s too busy backpacking in Sagittarius, so your obsession with order is now a hot mess. Clean that up, Virgo, oh wait, you can’t, you’re spiraling. #Virgo 🧹 #astrology #horoscope

Libra, Venus rolling with Sagittarius means your famed charm is pure clown material. Nothing you say lands. Good luck flirting with all seven brain cells. #Libra 🎪 #astrology #horoscope

Scorpio, Mars in Capricorn brings out your plotting side, but you’re outclassed and outgunned. Slink back to your swamp and scheme on your own time. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Sagittarius, Venus and Mercury in your sign just means more impulsive disasters than usual. Wallet empty, dignity gone. You tried, champ. #Sagittarius 🏹 #astrology #horoscope

Capricorn, the Sun, Moon, and Mars are staging a cringefest in your honor. All this power, and still no one likes you. Work harder, die madder. #Capricorn 🧊 #astrology #horoscope

Pluto’s stretching into Aquarius, but don’t get excited: you’re still an oddball nobody understands. Get used to mumbling to yourself in the corner. #Aquarius ⏳ #astrology #horoscope

Pisces, Saturn and Neptune want you to finally get real, but daydreaming is your only skill. Time to panic: reality’s knocking. You’re not answering. #Pisces 🌊 #astrology #horoscope