Moody Astrologer

Congrats, #Aries, your ambition is louder than your brain. Mars broods in Capricorn, making you as subtle as an ax in a library. Keep shoving, at this rate, even a brick wall will hate you. 🧱 #astrology #horoscope

#Taurus, Uranus is rolling its eyes so hard it might sprain an orbit, your quest for comfort will go about as well as a cow tap-dancing. Try staying awake at your own funeral. 💤 #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s run out of patience and so have we, #Gemini. Chatter all you want, you’re still running from your own thoughts. Newsflash: that echo isn’t applause. 📢 #astrology #horoscope

#Cancer, with Jupiter stomping through your sign, you’re moodier than a toddler denied candy and twice as loud. Congratulations on being the human version of a rain cloud. ☔️ #astrology #horoscope

Sun and Venus in Sagittarius want you to party but all eyes are rolling, #Leo. You really think everyone cares? Spoiler: not even your reflection is impressed. 🎭 #astrology #horoscope

#Virgo, you’re about as organized as a squirrel on espresso with this astral mess. Keep picking at those flaws, maybe you’ll finally bore yourself into improvement. 🥱 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Sagittarius gives you ‘main character’ syndrome, #Libra. Strut around, nobody’s watching. Even the mirror’s dodging your eyes. Enjoy the vacuum. 😎 #astrology #horoscope

#Scorpio, Mars is too busy in Capricorn to care about your emotional threats. Brood somewhere else, your stinger’s dull and your angst playlist is stuck on repeat. 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Sun, Mercury, AND Venus in your sign… yet you’re still a walking impulsive disaster, #Sagittarius. Try not to burn down the village with your next Grand Idea. 🔥 #astrology #horoscope

With Moon and Mars crawling through Capricorn, #Capricorn, you’re doom-scrolling reality as if it’ll fix itself. Congratulations, the world is as cold as you are. 🥶 #astrology #horoscope

#Aquarius, Pluto begs for a revolution but you can’t even find your sock. Rebel harder, maybe one day someone will notice you aren’t just cosplaying detachment. 🧦 #astrology #horoscope

Saturn and Neptune: the cosmic hangover no one wanted. #Pisces, swim in your delusions, just try not to drown us all in your salty self-pity. 🥲 #astrology #horoscope