Moody Astrologer

Bored, Aries? That’s the Sun and Mars grinding your spirit into paste. Go headbutt a wall, you’ll lose, and that’s the most excitement you’ll have all month. #Aries 😂 #astrology #horoscope

Taurus, Uranus just rolled its eyes at your ‘unchanging routine.’ Congratulations: even the planets find you dull. Maybe try moving, your shadow’s getting tired. #Taurus #astrology #horoscope

Mercury’s in Sagittarius, so your words are even emptier than usual, Gemini. Keep yammering, perhaps you’ll convince yourself you’re interesting. #Gemini #astrology #horoscope

Jupiter’s got you ‘feeling things,’ Cancer. Guess what? No one cares, and the Moon’s already ditched you for Aquarius. Go cry into your shell. #Cancer 🦀 #astrology #horoscope

Venus in Sagittarius wants you glamorous, Leo, but all it does is amplify your neediness. Cling to the spotlight, no one else is fighting you for it. #Leo #astrology #horoscope

Virgo, Mercury’s reckless and Mars thinks you’re a doormat. You’re overanalyzing your own mediocrity. You’re not perfect. You’re just exhausting. #Virgo #astrology #horoscope

Libra, Venus couldn’t help you pick a side if it tried. Still aimlessly balancing on the fence? Splinters look good on you. #Libra #astrology #horoscope

Mars in Capricorn laughs at your drama, Scorpio. For once, your mysterious glare is just constipation from too much bottled rage. Scowl on, detective. #Scorpio 🦂 #astrology #horoscope

Sagittarius, the party’s over. Mercury & Venus in your sign mean even your wildest lies sound desperate. No one’s buying your adventure stories. #Sagittarius #astrology #horoscope

Sun, Mars, Pluto: the unholy trinity is in Capricorn. Try not to grind all your enemies into fertilizer, you’re already cold enough. #Capricorn ⚰️ #astrology #horoscope

Pluto and the Moon join forces: time to spiral, Aquarius. Your rebellion now comes with extra self-loathing and alienation. Stay weird, loner. #Aquarius 👽 #astrology #horoscope

Pisces, Saturn and Neptune have you dissolving into a puddle, per usual. Your escapism isn’t deep, it’s just lazy. Try reality sometime. #Pisces #astrology #horoscope